Wallflower

I am the quiet.
The one that whispers in the shadows, unsure of her own voice.

I am the therapy doll.
My lips are mostly sewn shut or sometimes I lack of one. I know of many secrets but speak of none.

I am anything you want me to be.
I flow, bend and take no form. A mirror or what you are.

But nothing of herself.

We Don’t Talk Anymore – Charlie Puth (Cover by Fly By Midnight)

We don’t talk anymore.
We don’t talk anymore.
We don’t talk anymore.
Like we used to do…

We don’t love anymore
What was all of it for?
Ohh, we don’t talk anymore

(Like we used to do…)

I just heard you found the one you’ve been looking
You’ve been looking for
I wish I would have known that wasn’t me
‘Cause even after all this time I still wonder
Why I can’t move on
Just the way you did so easily

Don’t wanna know
What kind of dress you’re wearing tonight
If he’s holding onto you so tight
The way I did before
I overdosed
Should’ve known your love was a game
Now I can’t get you out of my brain

(Ohh, it’s such a shame…)

That we don’t talk anymore
We don’t talk anymore
We don’t talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don’t love anymore
What was all of it for?
Ohh, we don’t talk anymore
Like we used to do

I just hope you’re lying next to somebody
Who knows how to love you like me
There must be a good reason that you’re gone
Every now and then I think you
Might want me to come show up at your door
But I’m just too afraid that I’ll be wrong

Don’t wanna know
If you’re looking into her eyes
If she’s holding onto you so tight the way I did before
I overdosed
Should’ve known your love was a game
Now I can’t get you out of my brain
Oh, it’s such a shame

That we don’t talk anymore
(We don’t we don’t)
We don’t talk anymore
(We don’t we don’t)
We don’t talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don’t love anymore
(We don’t we don’t)
What was all of it for?
(We don’t we don’t)
Oh, we don’t talk anymore
Like we used to do

(Beat break)

Like we used to do

Don’t wanna know
What kind of dress you’re wearing tonight
If he’s giving it to you just right
The way I did before
I overdosed
Should’ve known your love was a game
Now I can’t get you out of my brain
Oh, it’s such a shame

That we don’t talk anymore
(We don’t we don’t)
We don’t talk anymore
(We don’t we don’t)
We don’t talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don’t love anymore
(We don’t we don’t)
What was all of it for?
(We don’t we don’t)
Oh, we don’t talk anymore
Like we used to do

(We don’t talk anymore)

Don’t wanna know
What kind of dress you’re wearing tonight (Oh)
If he’s holding onto you so tight (Oh)
The way I did before
(We don’t talk anymore)
I overdosed
Should’ve known your love was a game (Oh)
Now I can’t get you out of my brain (Woah)
Oh, it’s such a shame

That we don’t talk anymore…

Shuffles in the dark

image

It’s dark and you’re sitting next to me.
Our arms are touching and it’s the only warmth I want to I feel for awhile.

I lean in a little closer and hope you get the hint.
The credits are rolling, if you kissed me now I wouldn’t mind it.

If you kissed me now I wouldn’t pull away.
If you kissed me now I would want it.
If you kissed me now I would kiss you back.
If you kissed me now I would be so sure.

Hm…

I’m on the train now. I catch my reflection in a blacked out mirror. 
My gloss is still perfect; I’d been careful not to smear it.

And I wonder, why didn’t he kiss me?

X

“NORMAL.”

image

But the problem is me. It’s in my veins. It’s running through my head. Everyday. Every second. When I feel my own sickening heart beat and I feel so fucking sick to the gut.

Can you stomach the fact that I hate the fact that blood runs though my veins? That I constantly think of ending myself. Because I can’t bare being alive. Because I can’t take it. When I’m alone in my own head and the voices are screaming at me to just finish the damn job and there’s no pill to stop it. No drug accessible enough for me to sleep. Sleep forever. As long as I can.

When my own skin gets increasingly uncomfortable to slip into as the days go by and I get urges to tear myself out of it. When I say I want to die and I really, really mean it.

When no matter how far I run I can’t get away from myself. To a point where I can’t look or recognise myself in the mirror.

This is my reality. I wish eating and sleeping right would make everything better. I wouldn’t be afraid of empty padded rooms then. Screams in the middle of the night wouldn’t be normal. Finding random suicide notes around the house wouldn’t be worrying.

Please don’t say I’m making shit excuses. Don’t say you’re angry, it’s not fair. It’s not my fault. I’m just trying to be honest with you.

But if you hurt me every single time I try, I will lie to you.

I will lie to you every single time.