Shuffles in the dark

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It’s dark and you’re sitting next to me.
Our arms are touching and it’s the only warmth I want to I feel for awhile.

I lean in a little closer and hope you get the hint.
The credits are rolling, if you kissed me now I wouldn’t mind it.

If you kissed me now I wouldn’t pull away.
If you kissed me now I would want it.
If you kissed me now I would kiss you back.
If you kissed me now I would be so sure.

Hm…

I’m on the train now. I catch my reflection in a blacked out mirror. 
My gloss is still perfect; I’d been careful not to smear it.

And I wonder, why didn’t he kiss me?

X

“NORMAL.”

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But the problem is me. It’s in my veins. It’s running through my head. Everyday. Every second. When I feel my own sickening heart beat and I feel so fucking sick to the gut.

Can you stomach the fact that I hate the fact that blood runs though my veins? That I constantly think of ending myself. Because I can’t bare being alive. Because I can’t take it. When I’m alone in my own head and the voices are screaming at me to just finish the damn job and there’s no pill to stop it. No drug accessible enough for me to sleep. Sleep forever. As long as I can.

When my own skin gets increasingly uncomfortable to slip into as the days go by and I get urges to tear myself out of it. When I say I want to die and I really, really mean it.

When no matter how far I run I can’t get away from myself. To a point where I can’t look or recognise myself in the mirror.

This is my reality. I wish eating and sleeping right would make everything better. I wouldn’t be afraid of empty padded rooms then. Screams in the middle of the night wouldn’t be normal. Finding random suicide notes around the house wouldn’t be worrying.

Please don’t say I’m making shit excuses. Don’t say you’re angry, it’s not fair. It’s not my fault. I’m just trying to be honest with you.

But if you hurt me every single time I try, I will lie to you.

I will lie to you every single time.

[Book Review] I Wrote This For You – Pleasefindthis

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So guess who finally had time to read again? Moi. And I am so pleased with myself.

These days I’ve been working myself dead and never got a chance to properly unwind but hey! Look at me, on a 7hour plane ride to Tokyo! 7hours all to myself. Okay, given my godbrother is sitting beside me but he leaves me alone when I need to be left.

So I’ve dedicated my 6 or so hours (we hit a great tailwind!) to immerse myself in poetry and emotions I’m actually comfortable with.

Today, I read I wrote this for you by pleasereadthis, a book I ordered from bookdepository some 6months ago but never got a chance to read. I know, long story. I sort of thought I lost it in my house somehow but fate decided to treat me real good the night I was last minute packing for Japan and brought it out of its hiding.

Out of the hundreds of pages I gobbled up alongside my chilled beer, countless green teas and steamed fish bento, I managed to snap afew of my favourites:

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The lighting changes from time to time because we crosed timezones lol.

The initial part of the book really hit me hard and I feared I’d ruined the first night of my trip by stupidly reminding myself of the past.

But as the book progressed, it got more lighthearted and encouraging. All in all, I was extremely happy I read till the end. Because I’m a pretty slow reader, I took the full 6-7hours LOL.

Book rating: 7/10
Will pick up to read again!

X

Hong Kong 2016

Here’s a post from when I went to Hong Kong pretty recently. I think I owe this blog that much.

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I touched down in HKG at 10am and was greeted with awesome 13degree weather with wind to boot. Was seriously enjoying the cool air so much but decided to throw my parka on because everyone was padded up and  being in just T shirt and jeans was too tourist-y. Manager-san, Ryan, decided it was best to try and blend in with the crowd rather than risk being robbed.

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Hong Kong really reminded me of a cross between Japan and Singapore. Japan because it was really colourful to a certain extent and shops would really surprise you with what they had, and Singapore because well, buildings. Buildings everywhere.

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Here’s a picture of my first meal in HKG. Honestly, I don’t understand how people from Hong kong aren’t fat or moderately obese. Blows my mind. This bowl of beef soup was the best I’d had in my life. Given, I don’t eat wanton mee or any type of proper food for long whiles at a time, but I’ve eaten enough to know that I am, from that point onwards, spoilt forever. Like my life is ruined. I am doomed to constantly flying back to HKG for this bowl of noodles. And don’t even get me started on their milk teas, Oh my God.

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Within the first day, Ryan and I were constantly making jokes about how we would be in two countries within a 3hour period.

We travelled up to Shenzhen, China, which is like the JB of Singapore, where people went to get AAA copy goods. Stark difference as compared to Singapore, where we drive up to try and pump petrol, buy vapes and chewing gum. Obviously we aren’t hardcore enough.

Ryan didn’t feel very safe in Shenzhen so we were in and out of there within a span of 3hours, travelling back to our hotel by train (which were really efficient btw).

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At night, we decided to get some drinks to keep in our rooms and wow the lines were snaking. Very different from Japan, where there normally isn’t many people. Either that or it’s because I only visit the hypermarts at 3am in the morning. Thank Japan for 24hr marts everywhere.

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On the first night, Ryan asked me to pick between Disneyland or Oceanpark. Disneyland sounds like the better option but the tickets were hella expensive and there weren’t as many rides as compared to Oceanpark, which had more rides and was bigger. Not to mention they had animals in there, so huge plus.

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Over at Oceanpark, the aquariums were tranquil. I never really knew the calmness that came from just watching fish swim. Maybe the fishes I keep at home just aren’t graceful enough. Dammit fishes can’t even swim right.

Funny story, while we were watching fishes, we overheard a tour group chatter about how what kind of fishes they were, which is perfectly acceptable, then loudly proclaim they would probably be very tasty.

Needless to say, Ryan and I shared a look of absolutely disbelief before shaking our heads and walking off. Moment ruined.

The fishes were sardines, but then again, please don’t try and eat them.

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Picture of me just chilling while waiting for Ryan to come back from the loo lol.

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While exploring the parks, we chanced upon carnival games that had huge stuff toys up for grabs. I’d casually mentioned that I really liked the alpaca and guess who was gifted with two huge stuffed animals and a small pink stuffed pig. We had to go rent a large locker after to stuff the plushies in after because we’d barely explored half the park/mountain at that point.

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I MET PENGUINS AND THO THEY DIDN’T DO MUCH IT WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER.

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There were a few rides we had to queue a little longer for but the view made everything worth it. I’m not one to say, but I don’t think Disneyland would have such awesome sights.

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^ Chronicles of Cherie and statue disrespect and molestation.

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Moving on to the more important bits of the trip, FOOD.

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Wowzers, if I thought HKG’s iced milk teas were godly, I have not had meat. Like for real, I haven’t tasted such tender and tasty fowl ever. Meals were always quiet for me, because who has the time to talk when you’re too busy stuffing your face???!!

In fact, I ate so much, I puked my last meal out because my stomach just couldn’t handle it anymore. Not even Ryan finished his, and he eats like a beast.

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More pictures of sights while I was on the Star Ferry from Kowloon to Hong Kong island. Sigh, I like boat rides so much it scares me sometimes.

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Behold, be the best mango drink ever from Hui Lau Shan.

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And matcha ice cream because I craved my sweets like crazy in HKG.

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^ took us awhile to find this shoo but we found it eventually, Thanks Ryan!

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Took a tram to Timesquare from I-forgot-where-we-ended-up.

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And found an awfully chocolate!

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On our last day we visited Ryan’s uncle who lived in this huge house on a hill (no like seriously a hill) and I tried my hand at hoverboards. I did spend most of my time eating this homemade spread that Ryan’s uncle made himself with olives (men who cook will be the death of me) and laughing at Ryan who couldn’t balance on the hoverboard for the life of him.

Met Buttons the corgi who pees everytime she gets excited too. Really sweet doge I must say.

When at the airport we tried to get ourselves offloaded because we didn’t want to leave lol but failed so we reach SG on time the next day sadly.

All in all, one of the best overseas trips I’ve had for a long while! Already make plans to go back next year (: