How to Smoothie in Desperate Times

With my Daniel Fast/Cleanse going on, it’s almost impossible for me not to post anything about it at all.

Basically thanks to my change in diet, I can’t have anything on my cafe’s menu except for black coffee, not that I’m complaining. It’s just that thanks to that I’m almost always perpetually hungry. #horriblelifedecisions

I’ really happy I’m allowed peanut butter though!


Life sucks, have a smoothie


I’m on my 7th day filled with the lasting urge to slap a bitch, monotony, boredom and constant screaming of little children. Everything is kind of/maybe/probably getting to me so I’ve decided to make little blurbs of what I do everyday to keep my blog alive-ish.

My colleague drew me at work today. We started drawing each other for fun because it got really quiet in the middle of the day as usual, plus we needed numbers and submissions so why not?

We drew each other into our animal selves and I got drawn into a fox, complete with red nails and kimono. I don’t know why, but I felt mildly proud of it(???) Maybe I read too much manga.
This is the complete series (?) born from our utter boredom. It kinda looks nicer when you put everything together, right?

After work, I met Eddy at 313 Sommerset for dinner. We met there because it was the nearest location to me that had salad (I’m on the Daniel Fast now, more details next month) but everything was gone by the time we got there so I settled for Nasi Padang veggies instead.
Clearly not full at all, I suggested Smoothie King, because it was probably the best thing I could have during the cleanse unless I had cravings for salad… which wouldn’t be too often now that I eat it for almost every meal.

As always, we took a few pictures of our retarded shag faces.
Ed’s probably the only friend who ever suggests taking pictures everytime we go out. Makes me feel like a girl again :,)
On the way back home, I told him about my epic tale of February while he bitched about work and life in general. Together, we decided that the world is stupid and that we are simply awesome people with a single life goal to stay awesome and fabulous.

I reached home much later than I normally do and only managed to settle down at 1.30am with work still waiting for me a little than 8hours later ;_;

Which is why, I should probably end this little post here, since there’s a good chance I’ll be caught up with Tumblr in 3… 2… 1…


Medicine Maketh Me

^My sentiments exactly and

Emotions are such an absolute load of bull.

Really sorry about not updating for so long. I have pictures uploaded in drafts to write about but haven’t been feeling too up for it.

Trust me, I’m as pissed off about my catastrophic mood swings as you (or anyone who actually bothers to read what I write) are.

It all started one fine Chinese New Year, que a gif of me screaming ‘NEW YEAR, NEW ME, RIGHT?’ right here.
Well I also forgot to factor in new pain.

If you asked my best buds to describe me in a few words it would probably be happy, mortally depressed and too curious for her own good. I would say coffee but then I could also say…



Moving on, in a span of just one month I had managed to feel again (something I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry about) and then proceeded to emotional die.

A few times.
And how I wish I actually stayed dead.

The logic as to how and why I did that to myself? I’m almost too embarrassed to say so. In fact, I’m so ashamed that I hope future me forgets we even had this blunder.

But I doubt she would. It’s probably going to come back to haunt her when she’s still sad and alone in bed a few years down the road.
I can picture it now. Quiet night, maybe 3am when she opens her eyes and go ‘Oh my God, why’.

So I’ll just come out and say it. I liked someone. I say ‘like’ in past tense because I’m not quite sure if anything is going to happen relationship wise or if grammer Nazis from the future would hunt me down when I somehow become famous for something I hope I can live down.

Is liking someone supposed to be this torturous? Because by God, the feeling sucks and I’ve been trying to get rid of or at least live with it for the last month  without admitting that my current situation looks everything like unrequited lo-

Oh my God, I can’t say it. Next point please.

How I managed to emotionally die (a few times):

1. Drinking
Of course that would be one of the first things I tried. It’s so cliché all over the internet that you would at least think it would work for a few people, right?

Well it doesn’t. All I was left with was an empty wallet and migraines that lead to my discovery of Panadol Extras. Something I forsee becoming very… important to me.

Either way, I crossed beer and alcohol off the list really quick. There’s only social drinking for me.

2. Working.
Also known an ‘attempting to work myself to death’, ‘drowning myself in work’, etc.
NOT to be confused with when I tried my banking job. That was such blatant stupidity in itself, I hope I never have to go through it again.

Just for the month of March, I’d worked weeks without a day’s rest or sustantial social life so much, it was starting to stress me out. Which wouldn’t be too horrible if I’d been able to use this stress to override the feelings of *cough* liking someone *cough*.

But no, it stays on like a stain in my heart and it hurts. I can’t even write poetry to relieve the pain.

I blame the logical side of my brain in this one. If only ‘sensitive and all feels’ Cherie would just get the hell out of the way, we’d have much lesser problems. So stupid.

3. Prozac
Anti-depressants. I finally tried it again in a long time, just to test it out but failed in epic proportions because:

i) I have side effects that can perpetually turn my day/life upsidedown. I’m supposed to be taking them long term before they actually sort of dull down.

ii) I say alot of stupid clingy things when I’m on prozac, refer to point i.

iii) What prozac does is that it makes you really sleepy so that you stop thinking (they lie, btw) and I decided to take it during my first long week of event work. Fucking genius.

iv) Fatigued from Prozac and still working, I got bad migraines so I popped a Panadol Extra. Didn’t turn out well.

v) Don’t try it with coffee.

vi) Or coffee AND panadol extra.

vii) Just coffee and panadol, however…

4) Panadol extra + Coffee (or generally anything with caffeine)
How many Panadols can a normal-pharmacitically-not-immune-to-anything person have before it’s considered an OD?

The answer is 8 but seeing that I’m spamming panadol extras, I’m not too sure of the number anymore. How much more is in a Panadol ‘extra’? An extra half dose? So I guess that puts my limit at 4 to 5 Panadol extras…?

The whole sugar or caffeine thing is just to chase the paracetamol effect in theory, very much like Prozac with alcohol. I’ve been trying to test everything out without mortally endangering my life but it seems to get harder each day especially since I only recently started a 9day long event spree filled with screaming kids and… happy families.

To be honest, I think the whole 4 to 5 panadol limit I imposed on myself is a tad farfetched, since the medication seems to wear off every three hours or so and I’m practically forced to stack pills or crash from the caffeine. Not to mention how the screaming of little children starts making my eye twitch the moment the drug wears thin.

All in all, this experiment caved in on itself almost immediately, although I did give it a few days just in case. On the plus side, it makes me way too tired to think or feel anything, making this method the much cheaper and efficient alternative as compared to Prozac. So it’s something to keep in mind, except it may potentially kill me if I’m not careful -or lose count.

5) Emotional layering
This experiment was entirely based on some warped theory I had whereby ‘if something hurts and you can’t take it, fall back onto something that logically hurt you more from what you can still remember’.

This theory applies to my cutting phase(?) as well, in case anyone is wondering.

Anyway, I utterly refused to cut for anyone but him or my own mental stability so I resorted to the next worst best thing, my past. Ah, the warmth of melodramatic depression I’m so familiar with.

Or so I thought.

It started out fine -even worked for awhile, before I got too utterly dragged into everything that the temptation of messaging him on Facebook almost got me.

What happened next was such absolute fuckery that I am so thankful my BFF called me back when I texted him at two in the morning while he was watching a movie with his girlfriend at home. His girlfriend was also so accepting, God bless her soul. *Sprinkles fairy dust on the pair* Please stay in my life longer, I need people like you around.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, I’m fine now. By fine I mean back to not liking anyone that’s actually physically accessible to me.

That’s right! I’m not sick with feelings anymore! Except I do get the slightest urge to pop a panadol for no reason at all but that’s better than cutting, right? So I’ll count that as a step in the right-ish direction.

THE BAD NEWS IS, I’m still barely half way through the shit-ton of event work I signed myself up for while I was trying point two out. Hell, I’m still neck deep and panadols are pretty much a must at this point.

Also, since I tried everything on my hastily put together list, I’m not sure what did it for me so I guess life from now is still going to be one huge trail and error on top of this listopia I have going on.

Adding to my mountain of issues I have been juggling emotionally, emotional layering kind of screwed me up a little deeper than I expected and now I’m not too sure how I’m going to start liking anyone else again. Not that I’m in a hurry anyway, it’s a good thing.
I’m sort of hoping fate will let me off for at least 6 months before it throws another shit storm at me. I really need to concentrate on my 5 year plan, though I kind of expect many more of these occurrences this year. Much to my dismay and probable misfortune.

Besides the emotional ‘I don’t know what the fuck I just went through’, I guess another downer would be how I would most definitely be haunted by all the things I’d said to him (the guy I liked). I didn’t say alot but I did say a significant amount of things that are so cringe worthy my poor panadol infused brain is too handicapped to scrape around for. Bless it’s grey matter atomic make up, because it tried so hard the past month, and that includes torturing me by having me torture myself.

Oh, and I missed J-Obsession this year because I didn’t plan for it. Dammit.

Alas, my eyes have been once again opened to the real world. I have new things I want to do and a new drive. Life it going to start looking up whether it wants to or not.
If anything, I’ll just panadol that shit.

I’ll end my update here. I hope you were as amused and entertained as I was writing about it and remember kids, stay in school and uh… don’t do drugs.

Serial pill-popper out.

Taiwan 2015!

Hey guys,

So alot of things have been happening since the year started. I’ve been frantically searching for a job, my phone died, I had to visit the columbarium, trigger issues, but most importantly, I WENT TO TAIWAN! 

Yes, after a long 11 years of not getting on a plane and going anywhere, I finally have.

Despite having the worst trigger breakdown before the trip, I still managed to survive the plane ride in an extremely crammed space with non-aligning window to seat ratios for 5 hours and have a great time.

DAY #1

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When we touched down, the air was crisp and cool. It was heaven I tell you. We took awhile to check out and find our bags. Also, I almost forgot my passport in the toilet. Hehehe… But you can’t blame me (I think) at that point of time, I had been bleeding for a solid month (TMI) and was slightly dizzy. Trust me, a red passport was the last thing I’d want to see in my hands.
The hotel room was small and cozy. I had to share a bed for the first time in a while and had pretty much bed sleep the rest of the nights if I didn’t manage to fall into deep sleep first. You guessed it, bed-buddy was a snorer while I am a light sleeper. We both are (light sleepers) just that she snores while I don’t know how to. Running around on too little sleep eventually got the best of me, and after I almost skipped an entire day of touring because of an extremely heavy head, I skipped the last day’s breakfast to sleep in.

I would have slept on the plane as well, if the guys in front of me didn’t keep adjusting their chairs, literally giving my one middle finger’s worth of space.
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Here’s a picture of what we practically overdosed on. Till now, I’m still fighting the itch to buy bubble tea every time I pass by a shop while I try my best to go back to being fit in the gym.
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DAY #2
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I figured that we should try to take public transport since cabbing everywhere was going to put a dent in our finances. I found their temporary tickets rather fascinating. They were in the form of coins that we used to tap in through gantries like cards and we returned them by feeding them back into the gantries as if we were buying something from a vending machine.

So sustainable!!!

If only Singapore would adopt this. No one would steal the little coins either since technically you wouldn’t be able to exit the station if you don’t return it. Also, the fares are so much cheaper than Singapore’s, only a few cents per ride. Maybe they took into account that people wouldn’t be able to steal the coins and thus didn’t factor in that cost as some sort of deposit. 
While looking for Kinokuniya (courtesy of me. I even found directions to the mall!), we walked past an authentic BlackBall (I think, since Black ball is originally from Taiwan right?) and went in to have dessert. This was less than an hour after we had breakfast.

The dessert was great. Everything was.. chewier and lighter as compared to Singapore’s version. I guess it’s because we prefer a stronger taste of yam/sweet potato. Nonetheless, eating a piping hot dessert in a windy 20degree environment was… rot worthy. We didn’t move from our spot for a good hour.
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Majority of our trip consisted of us eating, walking, shopping and sleeping. Sometimes it didn’t matter where.
The above picture was taken in a beef noodle restaurant. The first I have ever gone to. It kind of reminded me of Yoshinoya (a beef rice bowl fast food restaurant in SG) since it looked rather commercialized though I’d never seen another of it’s branches anywhere else that I had been in Taipei. 
Behold, my most favourite night market food in SG that I found at Xi Men Ding. Smelly tofu.
Apparently, smelly tofu is really popular in Taiwan (or probably any widely Chinese populated countries). They even have smelly tofu stuffed chicken wings, which reminds me that I should learn how to make stuffed chicken wings soon.
Either way, you can find them in underground railway station food stalls and a wide variety of air conditioned places.
Roomie eating Mee Sua (long thin rice noodles) because she thought it was Oyster Mee Sua, famous in Taiwan.
Brother-in-law eating chewy hollow doughballs that till now we have no idea what it was made of.

10/10, must learn how to make it.

I’m not sure what sisi was eating but she sure looks excited about it. I’m thinking it was the dough balls. 
Actual oyster mee sua and omelet that turned out to be… alright.
I think we’re just all too used to the versions we have in Singapore. The oyster mee sua was okay, though nothing too special. The omelet on the other hand, had this weird sauce that we weren’t used to. Normally, we have ours with a sweet and sour chilli sauce while this one was sweet and starchy. 
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Here’s a picture of sisi underestimating a cob of corn, slathered and grilled over a charcoal  fire. C’mon, by description alone it can’t be that bad, right?

It was fabulous. I know because I hogged and finished it. Even bought another one on my last day in Taipei. 
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And to end off day 2, the ultimate party food. I didn’t buy it back (too expensive), though it was certainly entertaining to send to my friend at the end of the day when I finally had wifi back at the hotel. I can’t get over the different coloured ones in the background.

DAY #3
I got hungry as soon as I woke up on the third day and while waiting for my sister to get ready. Room service was really nice. They replenished the snacks every morning and we would eat them in the night (if we still could) or in the mornings (like what I’m doing in the above picture).
We went to a roadside porridge stall (courtesy of the extremely helpful and informative hotel concierge) and had every dish the lady had to go with our porridge. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but she seemed extremely thrilled feeding us, even offered us fried eggs to go with everything. The entire meal cost less than 20SGD and we even ordered double servings of meat. Mind. Blown.
 How can you not take pictures with a totem pole?
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On the third day, we went up to Jiou Fen and Shi Fen to do some sightseeing as well as eat some more
If this is where I’m supposed to say the view was amazing, sure. Although I was more distracted by the iced red tea, steamed corn on the cob and Taiwanese sausage that was being sold on the roadside. Yeap, only on day 3 and Taiwan has already ruined everything I know about diets.
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They closed the road for tourists to walk freely and my sisi just had to go and abuse that in the name of tourist perks. 
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Found my first Taiwan kitty after seeing dog after dog while I was in Taipei!
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Everyone’s faces at the end of everything because we were hungry. What’s new. The good news was, we were on our way to food (again). The bad new was that we had to climb back down the hill and take our taxi down to Jiou Fen.
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Down at Jiou Fen, we let go lanterns for good blessings. Different colours were meant to bless us in different ways. I got the one that was for happiness and I wrote for smoothness in my career (if I could consider what I’m doing right now one) and my love life because I was still feeling a tad bit lonely from my recent trigger. 
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And finally, FOOD.
We walked all the way to the other side of the train station to eat stuffed chicken wings.


Like stuffed with rice. A literal meat burrito. They even had smelly tofu flavour. I should have eaten more of that shit.
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As you can see, I’m a cold blooded bitch that can stand around taking pictures of herself in a tank top on a windy bridge at 13 degree Celsius.
Risked my phone to take this picture of the bro-in-law.
Because obviously besides him dragging me out of bed randomly at 6am, locking me out of my house, having unfair pillow fights with me etc. , we’re totally best buddies.
We found ALOT of food at jiou fen. So much, we thought we were done for the day and it was only 5pm.
By alot, I mean eating 3 different types of beef noodles, 4 bowls of ‘black ball’ style desserts, 2 bowls of I-don’t-know-what-I-just-ate and drunk enough free tea to need to go pee.
Can you figure out why I took this picture? 
We finally sat down for probably one of the most unforgettable beef noodles ever. It was so good, Roomie declared that she didn’t need to drink another bowl of beef soup again for this Taiwan trip. At that point of time, I was so sure I was about to burst but…
A girl will always have space for dessert, right?
I’d had so much salty food that bubble tea aside, I was officially craving the sweet stuff. Like actual desserts I could find in SG. I’m not sure if that counts for being homesick because I only wanted to eat crepe at that point. 
I don’t eat alot of crepes (the amount of cream gets to me), but this is the first time I’ve had brownies in my crepe and it tasted awesome. Also reminded me how much gyming I had to do when I got back if not they were staying on my hips forever.

And now, a silent comic on how my sister and brother-in-law shared their crepe:
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They did end up sharing the crepe and I must have deleted the picture during reviewing because let’s face it, they aren’t the most glamorous couple there is to date and sometimes watching them do things can be potentially life scarring.

DAY #4
A very blury picture of day 4 in Taipei. I was feeling a little sick because the food from the day before didn’t sit very well and I didn’t get enough sleep through the night. It was also raining and really cold, not to mention, I was catching Tai-Mei syndrome (people should get this if they’ve been to Taiwan before), evident in the way I was posing in my picture.
The day’s goal was to visit Taipei 101 (if not friends and family would laugh at us if we didn’t) and eat Din Tai Fung. We didn’t exactly have a plan as to what to do next especially since you could do pretty much do nothing but eat and shop in the city and half our party of foodies were down with sever food coma (me included).

We took a nap (yes, we took a legit nap) at Din Tai Fung because my food coma was so real I was tempted to sponsor the cab back to the hotel and simply sleep the day away. We had no idea where to go from the restaurant but when I awoke from my rather self conscious sleep (because the waiter was pretty cute so I tried so hard to sleep prettily) I had a glorious idea of going souvenir shopping before we headed back. I didn’t know what to buy back for my friends since I practically ate everything already.
This picture was taken especially for someone. People who know me would know why I took it. I’m not even sure what was being sold in this store.
Despite swearing off food a mere hour and a half hours of swearing off food for the day, sisi found flavoured waffles and that was basically the end of our food fast.
We got so distracted by the food in the station that we walked past this sign twice. Also, check out what it says. #I’msofancy
The main reason why we stayed in the station was because it was pretty cold out in the open, probably about 11 degrees counting the rain and wind. Nonetheless, we ventured out, not quite sure what we’d find and ended up walking all the way back to our hotel. I didn’t complain, I didn’t break a sweat. Not that any of us could in the current weather. We just walked and enjoyed.
Taiwan Coffee.
I was pretty excited to know how Taiwan liked their coffee. In all honesty, I’m not a big fan. Maybe it’s because everyone prefers tea so the coffee tends to have a very light body -like tea. I wouldn’t recommend, but I guess it was good to at least know what it tasted like.
On the last day I didn’t take any pictures mainly because we’d spent our time packing. I didn’t get must rest on the last night either so I decided to sleep in and do away with breakfast, though I was regretting it a little when I woke up again.

On the flight back, Roomie got a tad bit sick and couldn’t hold breakfast or lunch down so it came back up. I’m quite sure that she had coffee, or maybe not. Not trying to be gross here, but you can’t help it when someone pukes right next to you.

Anyway, the picture above is one of the last Taiwan sky I saw and probably will see. I’m not sure when I’d go back again, I’m young, the world is dying and it’s a race against time to see everything with limited funds.
And here is a picture of the welcoming(?) Singapore sky. It was horrendously warm when I touched down, even in the air conditioned airport. But I had no time to complain, I had to rush to a birthday celebration with my ex colleagues all the way in town.

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Boy reading Yaoi for the first time xD
Even though I miss Taiwan, it’s good to be back in little Singapore, I guess. I’ve got a job waiting for me, and it feels like my life seemed to straightened itself out while I was away. Either that or I’m still gloriously high on caffeine and ice cream.

My outlook on life has changed quite abit while I was in Taiwan. I want to take things easy, see the world and travel. It’s making me see things differently now. Sure, my triggers are still the same but the world is a big and friendly place and I guess I’m not lonely until I think I am.

Hoping I stay as positive as I am writing this now,