Flower Dance – DJ Okawari

Dear you,

Heard this on the net the other day and thought of you. I downloaded the entire discography after I listened to this song, actually. I can’t help but think you’d like it too and how this may be the only way I can show it to you.

I’m not sure why but it sounds very nostalgic and it reminded me of you. Like this song is you, ohmigad.

Just thought it was a good time to thank you again for trying so hard for me back then and probably apologies for being so stupid it might as well be a sin.

Hope the music soothes you, you can find the discography on torrents easily enough and I hope everything is okay at your side. Well, somewhat okay.

x

[RANT] I’m so mad

[I’m so mad]
The passive aggressive rant:

I’m so mad. People tell me it’s impossible to be nocturnal and that it’s probably how I managed to screw my body clock up so badly. But it doesn’t explain how my eyes light up at 7pm once the sun sets while I’m on double the dosage of drowsy medication, or how my strength magically triples as mignight approaches.

I’m so mad. Everyone made me believe that waking up early in the morning was a sign of growing up. But if that’s the case then I’m still a child because even 10pm knock outs reap 2pm wakes.

I’m so mad. Because I love the night so much yet I am constantly separated from it by fatigue. No more conversations with the moon or staring out the window and feeling the crisp night time breeze in my hair; no more counting the stars while the world sleeps. All to show everyone that I am more than just a sleep deprived teenager.

I’m so mad. I gave up a life I was so comfortable in and thrived, for one where I wake up feeling like death. One with no fulfillment, paved with dread. To return to a home squared down to a bath, bed and closet.

I am so mad at myself, I really am.

CharaExpo2015

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Look at that picture. I tried so hard to make my eyes look bigger with whatever I had in my make up drawer because I was supposed to buy thicker false lashes but I didn’t as well as get circle lenses which I didn’t have time to get excuses. Anywho, I think I did a pretty decent job because I managed to turn out like this:

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Totally using this as my cos-card photo… when I actually get to making a cos-card that is. If anyone is wondering, I’m cosplaying Rin Tohsaka from Fate/Stay Night. I forgot where the slash is.

And so with a face full of make up, the shameless camwhoring begins:

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I left this picture on my dad’a wall as a Father’s day wish because I’m a dumbass like that.

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I met Nii-san below my block and we were off to meet Vivi and Dom for CharaExpo.

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We saw this set of Saber and Rin nendroids and decided to get it as our extreme otaku friendship band. He likes Saber and I like Rin…



Obviously.

While we walked around, I caught sight of my husband in blue and totally fangirled.

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Nii said this picturewas extremely funny because I kept a straight face all the way till he counted to 3 before I struck this extremely fangirl pose that made a few passerbys laugh.

He also said it was funny cause they were my favs to put into a yaoi together.

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Here’s Dom and Vivi in their sickeningly sweet and slightly nauseating couple cosplay of Eggsy and Gazelle from Kingsman.

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Still, I can’t get over my eye make up.

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Something new we found at this convention was water balloon fishing. I got really excited because these were the things you saw in mangas. I expected it to be slightly harder to hook (the balloons) but I got my pink one so fast Vivi and Dom didn’t notice I was gone till a twacked Dom in the face with my pink ball of awesome.

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Here’s a selfie was a face I made when i turned on my camera and actually looked good for once when it was already on front facing.

The event itself wasn’t very big (though it did have a wrestling ring in it) so I took my own photos. Or at least Nii did.

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Somewhere along the line of things, we realized that the slight glare was coming from my camera because it was cracked. Before anyone says anything, no, it is definitely not because I’m ugly, okay. In fact, I’m majestic as fuck.

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So here are our faces when we found out. Also because we haven’t had our breakfast and we’re starving while Dom and Vivi met and talked to their friends like newly weds.

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We had Maccas in celebration of the curry sauce finally making it’s reappearance. I didn’t know they had spicy nuggets now! But I still prefer the normal onces.

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Here are more selfies because I sat beside the window and the lighting was hella good.

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And just when you don’t know what to expect at a new convention, you find your childhood walking around without his twin.

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Another selfie. I started taking more because I saw an awesome cos-card and was all. I NEED TO MAKE ONE BUT I DONT HAVE A GOOD PICTURE. So please internet, help me choose.

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Schedule was tight for the day, since Nii and I were going out for dinner at night for cheeeeeeeese. We ended up cabbing everywhere for the day. To our dismay, the cab stand was desolate and cabs only turned in at the frequency of people hiring taxis to get to the mall. I thought my make up would melt off in the heat.

CHEESE:

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Over at Wine Collection, I had Raclette for the first time ever and it was so good. 11/10 would probably choose it over sex when I actually decide to give up to someone.

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I mean look at it. Wow. I would have totally licked those plates at the bottom but I just met Nii-san’s cousin and I didn’t want to scare her…yet.

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Eeeeeehnyway, I had the greatest day out. So much fun, too many good pictures and such great food. Kinda-maybe made the week of utter abuse at the cafe seem rather bearable.

I feel kinda fat now. But the happy kind.

X

Topic: Decent Asshole

Let me start this post with declaring how shamelessly pampered and blessed I am by all my friends and sometimes their friends outside my family. Most of the time I feel really bad about receiving everything and I can’t help feeling more broke when I can’t give them stuff back but sometimes I like to feel popular to a certain extent.

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The week has been a peculiar one, besides the continous flags for Japan, Tokyo, it seems that Christmas had come early this year for me.

Since I do pretty much nothing at all but blog from the cafe, I didn’t really think I’d  deserve the amount of love I received at the cafe over the past week.

Let me get into the details real quick.

Chef’s girlfriend came back from Tokyo a few days ago and bought Tokyo bananas in three flavours for me to try. This being someone I don’t text at all, let alone hang out with, actually remembering my existence when she’s out in Spring, Japan.

Wow. I don’t know what I did to deserve such good will. Chef said she gave me my souvenir before she gave him his like woah, I don’t remember downloading a social bot hack into my life recently.

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A few days later, an extremely new part-timer brought authentic Kinder Joys to work to share. Mind you, she only had three and ate one so that pretty much makes me top 2? /hairflip

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And I say authentic because the ones in Singapore are the lazy-man’s version, or so I call it. All you have to do is split it down the middle and the toy is in one half while the chocolate is in the other. There’s no more peel back aluminium foils, just plastic halves. So environmentally unfriendly.

Not to mention how they recently started gender segregating the eggs by pink and blue hues on the top of the eggs as if the blue ones would contain pencil-dick sized condoms while the pink ones get miniature dildos.

I mean come on guys, really?

Minuature dildos aside, another part timer bought me carrot cake for lunch just because I said I felt like eating it a whole week back. He even got me my favourite chilli for it! He took the wrong packet on accident, not because he noticed I liked it or anything.

He got himself a subway instead, which meant he purposely bought the carrot cake for me not because it was convenient??? I’m not trying to say he likes me or anything (he has a super hot girlfriend for pete’s sake), it’s just that I notice the little things and it really means alot to me because it’s so sweet of him. I almost cried, except my tear ducts don’t work the right way anymorw.

Plus, friends who buy you food are friends for life.

Of course, I can also say that life was simply bubble wrapping be abit for a horrible sales week/month because I proceeded to get so stressed and sick over it, my eyes started sweating. But hey, count your blessings, y’know?
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The following week, my neighbour came by with these gorgeous beauties for my rare before-work tea times.
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And when I got to work, a part timer gave me a chocolate banana muffin she made to try and wuuuuuu it was really good. 😍

I’m so happy I feel tingly, guys.
Back to the post title.

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What exactly is a ‘decent asshole’?

From my definition, it’s simply someone who acts however the fuck they want regardless of societal views, building their own unique set of morals and opinions to ultimately form an actual, living and thinking/limited edition/rare/1 in 7billion human being.

When I say build, I do mean a personal profile of likes, dislikes and possibly conflicting opinions that may exist within the same state of mind or associated context and are non conforming to social norms.

For example:

-I’m Christian but that doesn’t mean I’m homophobic/anti-gay/pro-family, as most of my Christian sisters and brother’s from another mother would expect me to be.

-I believe that rape in any literal sense is really bad and should never be done but there’s a huge fandom for rapeplay on Tumblr that I go through weekly just to keep myself updated. But that doesn’t mean I want to get raped like people expect me to want to. Those people are the most insane.

-I like watching videos of autopsies and would probably cannibalise in desperate times but that doesn’t mean I’d go out and kill people just to eat them.

I could make a flow chart for these things but the point is that there are many routes to take when you stand for or against something. Sometimes when it comes to supporting something, there are many controversial ways of doing so as well. 
When you do, there will be people with or against you. It is inevitae that at one point of time, someone would have called you an asshole. In their head or no. But rejoice because that means you’re winning.
Anywho, the possiblities are endless and things can get really messed up along the way (this is probably how psychopaths are cultivated) but what matters most is that we still follow a common moral code just like anyone.

-I wouldn’t deliberately hurt someone.
-I wouldn’t lie just to get myself out of trouble I caused.
-I wouldn’t manipulate people even when I’m almost always in the perfect position to.
-I believe in love and happiness and many times I hate the obscene amount of rage I have for certain matters.

Or maybe just be a decent human being. Because you can still be decent and an asshole. Why? Because being decent helps you not get sued/murdered/imprisoned while being an asshole is just a matter of having your own unique views and stands in an environment that is likely passive aggressive (that’s how you don’t get yourself killed or shot).

Basically, a decent asshole is someone who does really dumbass stuff to others, but with a reason justifiable to himself.

[Person: Why did you throw that water balloon at that kid. If you hit him on the head he may not have made it to Harvard.

Asshole: But did he die? ]

From the situation above, said asshole is a decent asshole. Why?

Asshole move: Snarky remark, water balloon.
Decent move: Didn’t aim to hurt. Probably doing it for fun.

TLDR, being an asshole is a consequence of going against someone else’s views and opinions. It happens all the time whether you want it to or not, so might as well stand for something. No point casting a voided vote. There will be people out there who understand why you do things your way and when they do, they make the best friends ever.

It’s okay to be an asshole, just be a decent one like me because we get huge amounts of love by just being ourselves, see?

X