Romance fiction is bad for health.

^ Picture from Tumblr.

Obviously it’s not mine.Why would I have a phone like that? I have a decent smart phone for Pete’s sake. Well, I used to have one(Nokia) when I was younger but it was something my mom gave me so that I could call home. I always got insecure when my family wasn’t around me when I was younger. Always thought they were trying to ditch me at some hell hole, for example, school. If they were 5 minutes late, I would go hysterical. 10 minutes and I’d officially freak out, go abnormally quiet and walk home by myself. Sounds harmless right? Except I am known to be horrible with directions. I swear it’s a birth defect. So I’d end up getting lost even when my house was literally, just being the school.

This doesn’t have any link to the title of this entry does it? Let me give you one.

I’ve been lurking around Wattpad the whole day. Reading and stalking fiction online. As I had mentioned in my previous post, I like books that were very romance based with a touch of the fantasy element, with strong female leads and what not. I was so trusting of this site!

Then it happened.

Horrible endings. Oh the nostalgia!

I only had time to read 2 completed stories today. Oh-My-God. It was terrible. Everything was going so well for the first 20+ chapters when suddenly, some random character pops up and steals the chick from the dude that everyone was so obviously rooting for. Snagged her right under that guy’s nose! What the heck!

There the male lead is, going through all that emotional trauma and heart break because the girl keeps rejecting him. He throws away his pride for her, rushes out to save her and does all that heroic bullshit that girls like. Without warning, this random guy that the readers aren’t even acquainted with, comes out of no where and kidnaps the female lead! Instead of seeing him as a psychotic rapist or chauvinistic pig, she believes all the lies he sprouts about the other guy and decides he’s her soul mate.

WOMAN. THAT GUY SPENT 23 CHAPTERS AND 4 HOURS OF MY TIME TRYING TO PROVE HIS LOVE FOR YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU’RE RUNNING AWAY WITH A GUY I ONLY KNOW THREE PARAGRAPHS ABOUT. YOU DON’T DESERVE HIM YOU DUMB WHORE! 

Seriously, bloody hell. That was only one of two revolting stories.The other went like this:

After 27 chapters of character building and bonding, the female lead gets kidnapped *gasp* by the male lead’s enemy. The male lead goes on a rampage looking for her. As much as he tries, he cannot find her. He is pained, depressed and without a doubt, heartbroken. On the other hand, the female lead is battling the charm of her captor, who is actually the male lead’s ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend. You got all that? Good.

The female lead’s captor ends up falling in love with her and that’s where everything gets suspenseful. A part of me thought it was going to end like the first one but another part wanted to give this story a chance. I did and read on. She didn’t go sleep around with him *confetti* instead, she spent her days resisting him and finding a way to escape. That’s so sweet right? I breathe a sigh of relief. Finally, a happy ending. Or so I thought.

The female lead finally makes it back 2 years later. Imagine. Two years of resisting a guy who is describing to be pretty hot! She goes back looking for her Romeo and bumps into his sister first. She is delighted to see her and they cry tears of joy as they are reunited once again. Asking where her love is, she is directed down the hallway leading to his room. As she descends down the hallway, what does she hear?

Screams of pleasure from both her boyfriend and another women.

WHAT THE F-DUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. 

I cannot believe it. You can imagine what happens next. It could be compared to what happens in Korean dramas around the 8th of 16 episodes the show has. It’s where the whole relationship simply falls apart and the guy is all apologetic and guilt stricken.
In the original story (from Whattpad), he tells her that he loves her and that he wants to marry her. After what you just did? Wow. Fantastic baby.

Obviously, the only thing that can save his relationship now would be for him to save her from getting knocked down by a truck. Don’t you watch Korean dramas? Where he enters a coma and the girl realizes she still has feelings for him, does want him to die…you know the rest. He will wake up after hearing her confession and… you know what? Here’s a script:

*Male lead gets hit by truck instead of female lead and is currently in a coma* 

-Scene: Hospital-

Female Lead (FL): *enters the room and looks stunned at the sight of her love lying on the bed motionless. Let’s call him Bob.* Oh Bob what happened to you?!

Male Lead (ML): *no response* (Well DUH)

-Doctor walks in-

Doctor: Are you his wife?

FL: No, why?

Doctor: When he dived in to save you, he broke all his ribs and dislocated his shoulder.

FL: Oh my god! *covers mouth*

Doctor: Yeah… He’s in a coma now. He has no willpower to live. His heart rate is slowing down.

FL: Oh no. *is pale*

-Doctor takes his leave-

FL: *kneels beside bed and holds ML’s hand* You can’t leave me. *sob* Not now, I still love you.

-Female lead does this for 4 days straight-

FL: Please don’t die *sobs more* I thought you wanted to marry me?

-Suddenly his fingers start to move and ML’s eyes start to open-

This is also the moment where they stare at each other for a good 2 minutes of screen time so that the whole instrumental of the sad song can finish playing. In real life it’s probably only 3 seconds max.

ML: *weakly* Of course I’ll marry you.

OH CONFETTI. NOW THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT.

But you know what happened in the story? NOTHING. She runs off with tears in her eyes. He chases after her. They turn a corner, then another and suddenly, she disappears into thin air. The male lead kneels on the ground and sobs.

THE-FREAKING-END

Both endings are stupid (as in mine compared to the originals’) I know. But if you were to choose, it would be mine right? It better be.

After a good 7 hours of reading horrendously written romance fiction, I hate to admit, I felt love sick.

It may not be the correct term to use, but I’m feeling extremely love starved right now. Really need to read something with a happy ending. If no one gives me the love I want in real life, I only have you, oh fictional world, don’t forsake me now! ):

And people ask me why I read the endings of books before buying or borrowing them.

Cherie.

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