F-f-food, f-f-fat

I know I have to write about this but I was just too lazy these few days! (busy too)

Anyway, I would have procrastinated more if only I didn’t have more things to blog about. Stay tuned and you will know.

Since it’s pretty obvious no one realized I was gone over the weekend, I SHALL TELL YOU WHERE I WENT.

Waking at a currently ungodly time of 9am on a Saturday, I was bundled into my dad’s car to be whisked away to another island. I’m serious. I went to Malaysia over the weekend you see.

Three hours of sitting on our asses, we finally got to our destination. It’s a small town in Johor Bahru called ‘Pengarang’. I’m pretty sure I spelled that wrong but am too lazy to Google it. I’m a busy woman.

We ate at our usual seafood restaurant called ‘Good Luck Restaurant’ but it’s better known as ‘Lucky Restaurant’.

This is what we had for lunch:

Salted fish fried rice

Butter Lobsters

Steamed Lobsters.

Butter Prawnssssssssssss πŸ˜€

Steamed red snapper. Good stuff.

Stir fried sweet potato leaves! First time I tried this I think. They ran out of Kang Kong that day so we had to settle for this.

Baby oyster with steamed egg. My gosh. I could have this with just rice and die happy. It’s one of the only oyster dishes I eat. Ever.

Wild boar meat in curry sauce, because eating a farm raised pig isn’t bad ass enough. It really tastes different in your mouth. Scratch that, it feels different in your mouth. More tender than a normal pig thus better.

That was about it. But why bring a camera when you aren’t going to cam whore? Seriously, spending $700 on a camera just to take pictures of food (unprofessionally) is a waste of money. Why not just take pictures of yourself since you’re priceless?

Daddy and I πŸ˜€

Group photo of everyone who went to Malaysia! Self timer is awesome.

After lunch, we went to our hotel.

It was the worst.

The bedsheets were crispy. No, not crispy-fresh. Crispy as in crispy-dusty kind of crispy. I brushed my hand over the corner of the sheets and it WAS dusty! I’d be sleeping on filth! No need to shower, no way. Not when I’d be all gross the minute I touched my bed! The room smelt of mothballs. Mountains of mothballs. Enough mothballs to hide a dead body. Sure. Blame it on their preference of air freshener which would
be? Parfum de la mothballs?

Already squeamish and feeling itchy all over, I checked the toilet out. Oh gosh. Guess what I found! A breeding ground of mosquitoes! Larvae! Wiggling at the surface of the toilet bowl. I don’t care if it’s supposed to be a beautiful part of a life cycle, I found it down right gross. Ew. Just, ew. Flush.

As I left the toilet, I swore I would sleep in the car. My roomies- my sister, brother-in-law and aunt, agreed with me. But decided we shouldn’t waste our dad’s/employer’s money. So we sat on the bed, carefully of course, and played bridge till dad came up to our room to drive us back into town.

Managed to get my hair done! No more roots! πŸ˜€ Didn’t manage to get photos though. I saw someone familiar in the salon. It was so awkward because we both had to get our hair washed at the same time so we were practically lying next to each other. The hair washing things were side by side.

Everyone got their hair done and by then, it was time of dinner. The dinner was held in a temple. It was in celebration of a Goddess’s birthday and many people, mostly Singaporean, came to bid at the auction for good luck.

Cam whoring before dinner with ‘new’ hair!

Duck Face-ing

That’s my sister! πŸ˜€ Don’t we look alike?

We decided to play with the island in the background.

Even dad wanted in on some of the cam whoring action.

Oh gosh look at my fat thighs. Bad angle.

And here are some pictures that are actually relevant to our visit to Malaysia.

What are they? Huge ass joss sticks and candles that’s what. They are really expensive but are sponsored by Singaporeans!

Lots of people. Huge temple. My dad says the mob is made out of 70% Singaporeans. I have no idea how true that statement is but judging by how much people bid that night, I’d say it’s true.

More food pictures. Incoming.

My dad decided to be a rich Singaporean too. He bought this bottle of Martell.

And what do you do when you’re a girl with a bottle of liquor that you can’t drink? Cam whore.

Return of the duck face. It’s actually pretty fun to make.

This picture is actually the most ironic picture of the night. You’ll know why later as you read on.

POP QUIZ! What do you do when you are a girl waiting for food to arrive? Cam whore.

They had fireworks that night too! It was just like Singapore’s national day parade, minus the parade. Just the fireworks display! I followed my sister out to get a video. We got one but she hasn’t uploaded it and I’m too lazy to do it myself a busy woman.

We took a few photos…

That was when she told me she loved that I was her sister. That was also when I noticed that she was drunk. Having a drunk sister is fine, I had my brother-in-law. Right?

No.

When I got back to my table, my brother-in-law was tipsy. My dad’s friends had been asking him to drink with them. They drink a lot. I looked at my dad. He was freaking dancing. My huge ass dad. Was attempting to drop it like it’s hot. Traumatizing I tell you. I try to get some help from my dad’s friends. They were all drunk.

Oh Fmylife.

I don’t club so I don’t see my friends drunk. Hell, I don’t see anyone drunk at all! And there my dad is, high as f-, dancing to a bloody techno song. Not even I dance to techno dammit!

‘Dad, you’re drunk.’ I tell him simply.

‘I’m fine lah!’ he says.

‘Looks at your watch. What time is it?!’ I tug his arm to his face. He takes a look and shakes his head. Like a small child! Really? Is this how drunk people act? Well that’s just adorable isn’t it?

There my sister is, trying to calm everyone down while she herself was tipsy. I look over my shoulder and find my dad had just formed a new ‘bro-code’ with one of his scout friends. I’m talking fist bumping and a whole lot of bromance. In front of so many people! If I wasn’t red from the red wine, I certainly was now. Red from embarrassment!

Drunk as f-. It’s pretty obvious my dad is in no condition to drive my family back to the hotel, no matter how near it is. I wouldn’t want myself being flung into the sea and needing to trudge back to shore. I just did my hair you know. I told my sister, hoping and praying she still had some sense left in her. She looked at me all serious, nodded and proceeded to rob our father of his car (keys).

ALL HOPE is LOST. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO STEP FOOT IN THIS PART OF MALAYSIA AGAIN.

It was depressing really. My aunt was sitting by, watching the drama. She couldn’t do anything, only I could, since the only people actually related to me were either tipsy or wasted. She held on to the Martell and told me to keep my dad under control. Thanks dear. I’ll wrestle this drunk panda with my hands. That’s really encouraging! The reaction from the kids were priceless. I’m speechless. They simply went on with what they were doing as if this happened everyday!

HI. SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE BUT I THINK MY DAD JUST DID A DRUNK CONFESSION TO YOUR EQUALLY DRUNK AUNT.

Gosh. I can still remember myself uttering a prayer under my breath. It went a little like:

Dear God help me. If my dad drives, I don’t want to die. I just want to go home and sleep on clean sheets. I promise I won’t pick at my face again. Scratch that, just get me out of this mess already. Thanks, amen.

And really, God is good because all of a sudden my dad decided to sit back down and drink water like a good boy. We even managed to get one of his friends to drive the group back in batches. I was the last to get into the hotel. My sister had puked on the floor and passed out on the bed.

Which is worst? Cold puke or warm puke? Don’t answer that. You wouldn’t want to know what I did either.

I showered and looked at the bed of crispy sheets. Too late to sleep in the car now. I lay on my back and slept. I woke with a blocked nose, back ache and wrist pains. Everyone else woke with a hangover. Pfft. They got off easy.

We went for lunch straight away. Here’s more pictures of food.

^ My dad, who is blissfully unaware of everything that happened the night before. I look pretty pale while my aunt who has really nothing to say about anything that has happened the past 24 hours.

Pictures of the parade that happened in the afternoon. And yes, that is a man dressed as a woman.

If this post made you hungry, which I doubt with such horribly taken photos, here’s a picture my brother-in-law took.

I told you it was a bad angle,

Cherie.

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