Update on life

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Have I been stressed? Not really. Have I been busy? Not very.

Actually, I’m not quite sure what’s happening to me but oh well.

I just didn’t feel like posting and even now, I don’t feel like it. I’m just doing this because I’m bored and have nothing to do. I could study, but I really don’t see a point in it.

So, what’s been happening? Life’s been bleak. School’s been boring and taxing as usual. It’s assignment period and deadlines are scattered everywhere like tics searching for a host. There’s always something I don’t look forward to the next week; let’s not include school itself.

What’s up next week? 

Just a couple tests and an assignment deadline. I might study for the tests, only so that I have something to do rather than sit at my table till the time runs out. My throat’s been killing me. I’d probably be down with a fever if I haven’t been popping aspirins like kid-mints the past week. I’ve been having migraines in school and project deadlines really aren’t helping. Cry spells are a given.

Against my will, I’ve been referred to a counselor for gee, I wonder what. I rushed over from a project meeting.(I actually liked that project meeting) I was late and the place was bleedin’ hard to find. Took me a while before I was able to step inside and when I did, it was the most uncomfortable one hour in my life. I hate talking to strangers, especially if it’s about my issues. Hell, I can’t even tell my family. I tried to cooperate but did I manage to open up? No. Instead, I felt even worst because she was being so flippin’ nice and patient with me while I was there, trying to disintegrate into my chair. I was told that she’d call me in two weeks. I don’t know if I should be happy I won’t be seeing her for the next two weeks, or dread that in two weeks time I’d be sitting back in my chair and trying my best to look everywhere but at her while I mumble and nod into awkward silences.

Let’s talk about assignments

The thought of it makes me cringe really, but am I doing anything about it? No way. I’m going to update my blog because I’ve got my priorities right.

Close to a month ago, I was cursed with an assignment that demanded the use of, in my honest opinion, the most useless Microsoft software. Ever. Microsoft Word and Powerpoint is cool and all, but Project is really shit. Not the shit, just shit. I have no idea what I’m going to use it for in the future at all. Did the emperor who build the Great Wall of China need Microsoft Project to build his nonsensically high and never ending walls? No and if there was Microsoft Project then, I’m sure as hell he wouldn’t give a flying brick about it either.

Let me introduce you to this rip off of a Microsoft product. Basically, it plans a project for you as long as you key in the tasks, dates and resource names correctly. It can even calculate your expenditure and tell you if you are off budget or not. Convenient isn’t it? Well tell you what, how bout I leave you to it and watch as it screws you over. I’m not kidding. Unlike Microsoft Word and Powerpoint that provides transitions and a never ending list of fonts, Project doesn’t even have spell-check. You have to do things systematically and one-way, if not the programme would present you with inaccurate results. Sometimes, it still gives you inaccurate results even when you do everything accordingly. It’s not smart. Even my teacher thinks so, which is pretty contradictory seeing how he is the one that is supposed to get us interested in this software in the first place. Am I going to depend on something as moronic as that? I think this paragraph just answered that question.

Yeah, call me bitter for not being able to yield results from this crappy product. I just don’t see myself using something like this in the future so it is of no use to me hence irrelevant in my long out of point life.

Let’s get a move on. 5 days of crap in school is a lot to cover.

Shortly after being weighed down by that blasted, son of a gun assignment, I was slapped with another lab project. It was pair work and I can safely say that both of us are clueless. The teacher had us come to him in groups so that he could show us a completed project that scored well in his books. The first thing I noticed was that it was in binding and I thought “Look like a shit ton of work to do for two people.” My mind proceeded to go bonkers after that.

He left us with a gentle reminder to have fun I turned my back after barely managing a weak smile at him. Behind my weak facade, I was imagining myself whipping around, cursing and swearing at the top of my lungs, accusing him of his hinted sarcasm and curtly proceed on to attacking him with my bare hands or simply anything that I could stab him with. You’re damn right I have issues.

I barely managed to control myself, hands balled into a fist and breathing in deeply. I returned to my seat and sulked. Sulked away what other course-mates would consider 15minutes of precious lab time. Honestly, I didn’t want to start on my assignment at all. Battling to regain control of my mind and then my body was very draining in itself. You go try it.

Another fifteen minutes later, I finally trusted myself to not brutally murder one of my lab teachers in front of a crowd of some 20 students and downloaded the assignment off the school portal. Blame it on my lack of interest but reading the assignment itself was as dry as biting down on the classified section of the newspaper. Twice folded. Opening the software gave me that horrible sense of foreboding and staring at the icons, not knowing what to do or how to start, confirmed it. Almost immediately, my head started hurting and I fumbled with my bag only to find that I had inconveniently ran out of aspirins and muscle relaxants. I felt extremely beat down and simply couldn’t take it anymore. Insert cry spell.

Lab time ran out and I too enthusiastically closed my applications and logged off. I gave myself a while to calm my dry eyes and spastic mind that threatened to have my body flip the sorry the excuse of a computer across the room. For the first time of the day, my mood had lifted because it was the last class I had for the day and I had no project meetings to stay back for.

I spoke too soon.

I’d call it a plague but regular students would simply call it assignment period. Within the day, I received my last project. My BIM project. BIM stands for Building Information Modeling, I think. Don’t get me wrong now, I think this software is genius. Confusing to use, but simply genius and I’m not even being sarcastic. I love how it’s in 3D and shows me a building with piping and everything. Let’s not forget the furniture and colourings of the brick walls. How realistic everything looked after you rendered, how professional you felt when you were starring at it in wire-frame. It felt like a very high-tech version of my favourite game, The Sims. Give me any version and I’d readily dedicate months into creating the perfectly built and furnished house in the whole town. I loved BIM.

Loved.

Doing up the massing and creating floors, rooms, windows and doors is fun and all, but when it come to the piping and wiring. *shakes head* It’s hell.

The first few stages is as easy as reciting the alphabet. But when you belly flop into the raging waters of piping and wiring, you either end up dead or mentally unstable. To me at least.

I didn’t jump into it, if I could, I’d walk away. Scratch that. I’d run screaming in the opposite direction like the devil was on my heels. But no. I’m stuck with this not because I was sucked in or pushed. I was flung in. Flung like a daughter of a father too lazy to teach her how to swim himself that he threw her into the deep end of the pool to cough, splutter and survive. Only this time, I’m not sure she wants to fight to stay alive.

I’m not too sure if this is stress. It probably is, but to what degree, I don’t know.

All I know is that the BIM labs are probably going to be very full all the time thanks to this sucker of a project and I have no idea how to get my hands on a computer. That is, unless I skip lectures. Which I would. I don’t learn shit from them anyway. If that isn’t enough, I’ve forgotten everything about wiring and piping. I hate to admit it, but yes, I’ve learnt it only recently. But my head has a bad habit of conveniently forgetting anything it deems bullshit. That’s right, labelled, shredded and into the furnace, together with the ashes of other bullshit. Most of which are rather recent.

I wish I didn’t forget. At least till I’m done with the module, you know. If not, it’s going to be extremely demoralizing to be sitting in front of a computer screen not knowing what the cheese is going on and trying to get shit together. I’ve tried that and it really doesn’t work. It only leads to more cry spells and a worrying craving for Redbull. A lot of Redbull.

And if anyone is curious, yes, my mind does want to stab my lab teacher to death too. It’s been wanting a lot of people dead recently.

So here I am, with deadlines ticking above my head. I’d love to do something about them but my mind doesn’t quite agree. All I can do is just go with the flow and hope for the best.

Alright, be seeing you lovely people.

Cherie.

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