1. You start adding signatures at the end of your texts or tweets.
For example, you end your messages with ‘Cheers!’, ‘Warm Regards’ or worst, ‘Yours sincerely’. You even end your texts with full stops and your rants actually has punctuation.
2. You type in polished English.
No more slangs, or broken English for you! You start bothering about your spelling, ‘your’ and ‘you’re’, ‘their’ and ‘they’re’ starts getting to you and you start using fancy short forms like ‘é’ and all that jazz.
3. You excel at Microsoft Excel.
You need that in a table? No problem. Let me just boot up my Excel.
4. You dress like you’re at work 24/7.
Black-white monochrome never goes out of fashion now, does it?
5. Crack. Was that your wrist or mine?
With all that scrolling and admin work, I’d be surprised if your writs make it out alive. Either you have wrists of steel, or you’ve been slacking off.
6. One pound, two pounds. Time to buy new jeans.
You’re getting fat. Why? When you were in school, you had to walk two blocks to get to the canteen, that’s why.
7 . Mouse rage
It literally goes ‘What the flying fuck. My mouse isn’t working again? Someone call the IT guy!’.
8.The most exciting part of the day is lunch.
‘I think I want sushi for lunch.’
“Maybe I’ll have a salad instead. I’m watching my weight but I’ll take all that roast beef, please.”
9. You’re amused by the littlest things.
‘Hey check out this cool rubber band magic trick!’
10. Online shopping.
Because buying in bulk is always cheaper.
11. You start confessing to people like this:
Meeting you at XXX was really fun and I enjoyed it thoroughly. The topics we talked about were really interesting and I’d love to meet up again to chat some more. How about tomorrow at either 2pm or 11am? We could meet up at that coffee place which sells brilliant coffee and sandwiches. I just sent my calendar to you on Outlook as well, do share yours with me so it would be easier to schedule dates!
I really think it would be a good idea to take this acquaintance-ship to another level.
P.S Do reply within 3 working days if not I will see this email as void.
[Insert company logo and signature here]
Then you send this to a number of guys you’ve shortlisted, personalizing it by changing the XXX’s.
Oh and you might just accidentally CC everyone in the office as well.