6am, 7th August, I open my eyes.
I had a dream of you.
I check my phone;
Three months and still no messages.
And I start feeling just a little lonely.
7.15am I sit by myself,
Washed up and ready for the world.
My companion, she’s by herself at the balcony,
Praying for a better me.
I try to pretend it’s working.
8.30am I’m in the bus.
It’s crowded but still no one flops down beside me.
A lady opposite me checks her phone so I check mine too.
11am it’s almost lunch and I’m restless.
I haven’t had much to do so I go on Facebook.
You seem to be having fun.
I check my inbox.
Zara’s having a summer sale.
6pm I’m back on the bus back home.
My playlist is playing the blues and as I look out the window,
I picture you singing to me.
I blink and realize I have only passing trees.
7pm I’m going out tonight.
I’m too tired to try looking pretty.
I’m hoping you’ll pop up telling me not to go.
My phone vibrates and I pounce.
1am two strangers meet at a club.
They dance and the music slows;mellow
He’s looking at her lips while her arms circle his neck.
He moves in, so does she.
And for the longest time I felt so lonely I could have been sick.
2.30am I see people passed out everywhere.
On the ground or squatting by a drain.
Said couple leaves the club just behind me.
They get into a cab before me and I wish.
If only I’d give myself up that easy.
4.30am I’m back home but like the other nights I can’t sleep, maybe it’s the redbull.
I toss and turn but nothing’s working so I decide to just give in.
Whispering goodnights you’ll never hear, I kiss my plush toy goodnight.
Sleep came soon after and there were no nightmares this time round.
6am, 8th August.
I roll to my side and eagerly reach for my phone.