I still remember how I well I slept after I said goodnight. I thought it was normal to feel this way but it wasn’t. I was in love and I didn’t know it. You had a broken heart and you didn’t show it. We held back and it ruined us. If I had one wish, I’d want to start all over again; no regrets.
How long as it been, love? When I last ranted and swore I’d hate you forever? How long did I last?
And how is it going over there? With your family; how are you coping? Are you sleeping and eating enough?
The past months has been horrible for me. The mood swings are getting bad to worst and it’s getting so hard to hide. No one understands.
Recently I’ve been thinking again. Of all the words I had left unspoken.
And I really hope you’ll see this.
“Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say.”
I’ve always been so jealous of Hopey. I don’t care if you say you don’t like her. It just isn’t fair. Why did she have to be closer? I want to spend more time with you.
I’ve been holding back for so long. I didn’t want to tweet you, direct message you of email you. But I don’t want pity love. That would be the worst thing you could do to me and I don’t want to put you in a spot.
I still think of you. Your name-even if it’s not you- catches my eye and I catch myself scrolling back up for a second look.
I’ve said this, one too many times, but I love you. I really, from the bottom of my heart, love you. And I just want you to know that I care. In fact, you’re the only one I’ve ever cared so much about.
And if ever you feel like no one appreciates you, remember me. Don’t forget me. Because for as long as I can help it, I’ll be here. I’ll leave the key to the door of my heart under the mat and when you’re back, I’ll greet you with a smile. Like nothing ever happened.
You’re probably thinking ‘It wouldn’t be the same anymore’, but hey, we’ll fake it till we make it and I’m willing to try as long as you do to.
Stay strong, love, and keep fighting.
You’ll pull through your dark times and I’ll be at the end of the tunnel, waiting to welcome you with open arms.