Okay, so this is going to be a rant post by a very frustrated self.
What can I say about my life now? A mess, that’s what. I just finish my internship and I’m rotting so much at home, you could sell me off as top grade fertilizer.
Hmm, what else. Oh yes, my sleeping schedule is screwed.
I CAN’T SLEEP.
It’s probably because I’ve started eating dinner again. No, no. It’s not that I don’t eat, it’s just that I can’t sleep when I’m full. A part of me is still that worrying fatass I’d been in my past, okay? I still count the hours after I eat and try my best to burn as much
calories energy before I sleep. It’s not a bad habit, okay. If anything, it’s actually healthier to not eat dinner (I think), something about allowing your body to better cleanse itself.
I take care of myself in different ways because I know myself.
Instead of sleeping, I read my Kindle till 4 in the morning. Sometimes I contemplate reading a little later so that I may catch the morning’s sunrise.
But I always miss it because I’m always watching for it the wrong way.
You could give me a map, blueprint of my house, Jack Sparrow’s compass and I would STILL miss the sunrise because of some stupid reason like the sun would be blocked by some other building. Or I would sneeze and suddenly it would be like, 12 noon or something.
Since I sleep so late, I wake up late as well. Never for breakfast, just in time for lunch and a few hours before dinner.
I HATE IT.
I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAT PIG, literally eating and sleeping all day. Oh don’t get me wrong, at times like this, I’d LOVE to get out of the house. But as everyone should already know, I’m broke. The cafe I’d tried to get a job at didn’t call me back (which I’m actually very thankful for because I simply cannot imagine myself waiting tables) so my bank account is now on this steady decline into oblivion, of which I have no idea how I’m going to remedy than to go out with friends who knows where to spend time but not money.
ANOTHER POINT is that I have a new problem, 10 points to anyone who can guess what.
Yes, let’s talk about
Something I never thought I’d want with all my heart.
I’ve been trying for days and am THIS CLOSE to shoving a pill (we all know that pill) up my arse and going Horishima all over my toilet bowl. But do you know how mortifying and utterly disturbing it is to voluntarily do…that? No way. So I’d resorted to
Because the bathroom is a fracking battlefield right now.
So here I am, waiting, waiting, but still nothing.
I’m getting desperate.
Because right now I’m literally so full of shit and have things rotting inside my body.
I’m doing everything (actually just eating everything) with tons of fiber, reading up on c-c-constipation (I’m still trying to reach my acceptance on this) and basically doing everything I can to avoid The Pill-ing.
Because if my body thinks it’s got anything on me, the answer is
I’m going to get this thing out of my body, it’s going to feel like hell is breaking out of my ass, and my body is going to ENJOY IT.
Alright. Thanks for allowing me to traumatize you.