Stalker-stalker.

So I got stalked yesterday. Nothing new, in fact I’m convinced the guy only did it because he was bored but here’s my spin on things.

I was supposed to meet my mom at a mall in town but I arrived half an hour too early and she called to tell me she was going to be at least half an hour late. Not that it was a big deal, a new comic book store had shifted to the basement of Plaza Singapura and I was dying to check it out.

I talked to the store guy a little, asking for the compiled comic book of Bravest Warriors. It was sold out so I had to have it pre-ordered. While I was waiting for my order slip, I noticed at the corner of my eye a guy staring at me. He wasn’t too old, if anything, he could have been younger than me. He didn’t look local either. At first I felt a little flattered. I was never the kind of girl guys would stare at. It was always my cuter and more bubbly girl friends that got the attention so I decided that for once I would bathe myself in that little bit of attention. You know, take what I could get.

Then it got weird. 

I started seeing the same guy in every shop and floor I was on. The first few times, I decided to brush it off as a coincidence. When I caught him looking through peripheral vision, I told myself that it might have been because he recognized me from the other shops. Thing is, I only walk into shops that interest me. Shops like comic bookshops, stationary shops, toy shops and the arcade. I don’t go into dress or shoe shops if I can help it.

He went into the exact few shops I went into but I chose to believe that I functioned more like a boy than a girl plus he wouldn’t go into a shoe shop, now would he?

I got a little fed up when he followed me up all six floors of the mall, mostly because he was starting to seriously freak me out by popping up a little to close to me.

Me: 

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Stalker: 

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So I decided to finally test if he was really stalking me.

‘Boy, are you stalking me?’ Test #1

On the 6th floor, there was a row of figurine and comic shops that I would usually take my time to window shop through. This time, I went into the first three shop and skipped the next shop to go to the next one. I timed myself to take at least 10 minutes in each shop before walking out so that I could draw my conclusions.

He took roughly the same amount of time as me in the first three shops and while I was ‘waiting’ for him to show up he only took 4 minutes to find me. 

‘Boy, are you stalking me?’ Test #2

After seeing him again in the last shop, I left the scene giving the impression that I was done looking around and took advantage of his turned back to skip down two floors and lean against the railings outside Daiso as I watched for him to exit the shop.

Soon enough (Too soon actually. Phew.), he reappeared looking left and right (For what? For whom?). I stared at him for a good 5 minutes before he probably felt my stare on his back and turned at see me staring up at him two floors down. He broke eye contact a little too quickly and walking away slowly as if trying to tell me I had it wrong and he hasn’t been following me around for the past half hour.

TWO MINUTES LATER

I spot him going down the escalator and decided to stand my ground at my spot/railing, practically daring him to come approach me. I would have preferred he did, that way I could have told him he had been creeping me out, if he could stop and if everything was good between us, we could even be friends.

BUT

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He chooses to lean against the railings roughly 5 meters from me like fracking slenderman.

Just watching, you know? Just watching and waiting till I go crazy and run off into the woods.

But that isn’t going to work on me. Why? Because Cherie’s my name, crazy’s my game and I say GAME ON, BITCH.

So it gets ridiculous. 

After a while, he must have finally realized that I already knew what he was playing at and moved to walk around the floor. I waited till he was close by before I made an implied move to start towards the escalator going down. Probably an attempt to cover up on his part, he went down first(Hah). At the bottom of the escalator, he turned left and I deliberately turned right. If he wanted to follow me, he’d have to turn around, making everything look too obvious.

For a while, I felt safe knowing he wasn’t following me for now. I was actually heading to Times BookStore and should have turned left instead of right but I decided to take the longer route in the name of screw-with-your-stalkers. Across the floor, I watched as he walking into Times and nodded to myself. This means he wouldn’t be in the store when I was. I mean, any normal person wouldn’t enter the same store twice in a span of 10 minutes, right?

On my way over to the bookstore, we crossed paths. I resisted the urge to glance back. Part of me hoped he would turn around to follow but another side of me told myself ‘Nah, he will follow.’

Which he did.

I had not even finished reading the blurb at the back of the first book I had picked up when he walked in (I was standing very close to the entrance on purpose. I know, doing this is going to get me killed one day.) He made his way to the back of the store. I could feel his eyes on me as if glaring daggers at me, cursing at how much of a hard person I am to follow around.

I’m not, actually. In fact, if I wasn’t playing this idiotic game with him, I would have been up there in the arcade having myself a few rounds of Jubeat.

Back to the point, I know what I did next would have been considered risky and dangerous but I simply had to do it. Think of it as curiosity killed the cat- just not this one.

I walked up really close to where he had picked a book from the self-help section (Oh the irony.) to read, picked up some random book on Violent Tendencies in Teenagers and flipped through it noisily and dramatically, causing him to look/stare at me. When he had done so, I abruptly stopped flipping and stared intently at the bookshelf for a long 5 seconds before looking up to stare at him like:

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I then shoved the poor book back into it’s shelf and skipped out of the store, glancing behind me to stare at his shocked face. It was priceless.

I thought he would have stopped following me but you know how these people are, my weirdness probably intrigued him to make him want to stalk me more.

He followed me to La Senza, a lingerie shop and I put him through the sight of me molesting a mannequin,

While he attempted to stare at the more decent collection of lingerie the shop had. I actually stayed in the shop a little longer because I managed to befriend the sales girls.

Sales Girl: Um… Miss, are you looking for something?

Me: Not really. *touches mannequin suggestively*

Sale Girl: *Obviously freaked out* Are you okay?

Me: You see that guy behind me? No, no! Don’t look! He’s stalking me.

Sale Girl: Oh my God, do you need any help?

Me: I don’t think so, I intend to have a little fun.

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The sales girl was a really good sport and made everything ten times better by going up to him and asking him if he needed anything. His awkwardness was so off the meter, I almost felt bad.

Almost.

Deciding I couldn’t stay in the shop any longer without risking perverse glances from other men, I exited the shop, saying goodbye to the saleslady and freeing the stalker from his push-up-bra hell.

After the whole lingerie ordeal, he stalked me back to the basement where I’m guessing he first saw me, and I decided to buy a stick of fishballs. I ordered everything in the most suggestive manner I could.

Counter boy: Hi, can I get you anything?

Me: Yes, I’d like a stick of fishBALLs, please.

Counter boy: We have the normal ones and the spicy ones. Which one would you like?

Me: Oh you know me, I like it hot. My balls, I mean.

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At this point of time, counter boy was already trying his best not to laugh so much, he was biting his cheeks. It took him a good 30 seconds before he managed a ‘The spicy ones are $2.90, Miss, but if you were to buy three sticks, we have them on promotion today for only $7.’

I looked at the display for a while (Thank God there wasn’t a queue. Just the stalker.) and asking ‘What are those black balls?’ This time I couldn’t suppress my smile as I grinned at him. I watched as the counter boy laughed so hard his other colleague had to take over. The next counter boy who grinned at me as well but quickly wiped it off his face for some reason.

‘So you what would you be having?’ He asked with the most serious face, I thought he was angry with me.

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But I still had to push it.

‘I’ll have the balls that are hot and black, please.’ I covered my mouth once the words slipped pass my lips, waiting for his reaction. I saw the sides of his lips twitch upwards while his colleague was already crying from laughing too much.

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‘You want a German sausage too?’ He asked

‘Is it part of the mix and match?’

‘I’ll give it to you for free.’

‘But you don’t look German.’

Once I’d said that, the first counter boy practically screamed and was reduced to a heap on the floor like:

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So anyway, the entire time the stalker stood behind me watching as I somehow managed to pay too little for too much food. If he had approached me, I would have shared you know.

My mom was already reaching so what did I do? I reached for the sausage of course. I don’t even know how I looked like or what I did but I was aiming for this gif.

So yes, his eyes did widen because by doing that I had effectively called him on his stupid little game. I’m pretty sure he was about to approach me when my mom called. Saved by the Mom. Welp, there’s a first time for everything.

I found her nearby(at the pretzel store, actually) and we made our way to Sephora. I was nice enough to turn back and wave at him.

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He had made my 1 hour of intended boredom extremely entertaining after all.

But the moral of the story, guys especially, is that if you want to approach a girl, JUST DO IT. If not the girl may just start playing bullshit pranks on you and put you through lingerie hell.

Kudos!

Cherie.

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