School is so stupid. Which is pretty dumb because it’s supposed to make you smarter.
So here I am handing up my awesome report to my teacher. Everything was perfect, font, font size, paragraph spacing and other redundant things I don’t usually care about when handing up a printed piece of dead tree, when I get called out for stapling my report wrong.
What the fuck?
How the fuck?
HOW DO YOU STAPLE SOMETHING WRONGLY?
Oh whoops. I stapled my sleeve to my report. Here, have my blouse AND ARREST ME FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY.
And what does how I staple my shit together have anything at all to do with my working life?
‘Get your life together, Cherie!’
HOLD UP GOTTA GRAB MY STAPLER.
‘Cherie, you didn’t staple your report the way I wanted you to.’
OH NO. I’M SURE MY FUTURE EMPLOYER IS GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN MY STAPLING SKILLS.
OH NO. I’M GOING TO BURN IN HELL BECAUSE I CAN’T STAPLE PROPERLY. SOMEONE CALL THE POPE.
OH NO. I CAN’T STAPLE MY REPORT I’M GOING TO FAIL IN LIFE.
HELP I CAN’T STAPLE FOR NUTS???!!!
Honestly, I don’t understand my school’s education system at all. Can you imagine dropping a grade because you didn’t staple you work right, probably because your teacher has a fucking OCD? Joke.
Do you get why I’m mad? Isn’t it fine that the papers hold together? She better be thankful I didn’t print my report in neon.
I wish it ended there.
‘Cherie why is your report a little stained?’
MY APOLOGIES. MY REPORT TURNED ME ON SO MUCH I JUST HAD TO RUB ONE OUT OVER IT.
Mdm, do you not know printer ink smudges?
Ah, nevermind. It probably isn’t in you bloody jobscope. Which is cute because apparently being an insufferable bitch is. How much are you being paid? Maybe I’d want your job too.
So mdm, if you’re going to be a nitpicking buttplug over every little thing my class and I does, bugger off because besides marking our assignments, you are virtually useless in our lives.
And stop being sarcastic with us and think you’re so damn funny.
Fun fact: You aren’t and if anything, you’re coming off as mean.
How are you a teacher in communications when you make people feel bad and angry with you?
And here comes the best part.
‘Cherie, your name is Sim Cherie not Cherie Sim.’
A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR YOU. COME TAKE MY PLACE ON THE STUPID LIST BECAUSE I’VE FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE WHO’S DUMBER THAN ME.
Well done, mdm. Do you know how dumb you sounded? You just pulled an ‘It’s leviOsa not LEVIOSA.’ On me, only difference in that Emma Watson turned out hot and you’re just, ah, you. [Insert eyeroll and hairflip]
Oh and coming back to the way I staple my stuff, it’s always slanted. Like the edges of the illuminati’s logo because I’m plotting to send you straight to hell.
Hell’s a big place. I’m sure you’ll find someone who staples things the way you want him to. You may even understand the stains on my report too.