Apologies for not writing for a while (like a week or something). I’d love to say I’ve been busy but the truth is that I haven’t been up to much, which explains why I haven’t been writing anything in here.
The weeks have been a blur. Chinese New Year is coming and my organizer is filling up fast for the week. I have to get my hair done, book appointment with teachers, collect my CNY day 2 outfit and in my rush for time, I managed to break all the nails I was saving to paint on Chinese New Year itself.
ONE MAJOR SCREW UP was my CNY day 2 outfit. I could fit everything from the skirt and to the cardigan but I can’t fit the top because my ribcage isn’t skinny enough. Or bony, for the matter. This means I’ll have to sell the entire outfit away because it’s a cosplay outfit and you can’t have a cosplay outfit in pieces. That’s just one more thing I have to do now. Another would be finding a new outfit within a week when the crowd of last minute shoppers are out in full force. I probably would give two shits about buying an outfit because…
FUNDS ARE RUNNING LOW. Dangerously low. I don’t know how I turned into such a spendthrift lately. Normally, even when I do spend on online credits, I had a minimum of a thousand in the bank but recently, it has dipped far beyond that number. Worrying. Very worrying. That’s the money I’m supposed to rely on when I decide to just disappear into thin air, you see.
ANOTHER IRRELEVANT DETAIL I should add would be my recent cutting spree -on my wrist- again. I wasn’t sad, looking for attention or anything, I felt like testing waters all of a sudden. As if I had to document whether it hurts more when you cry and cut or when you cut when curious. For the record, both feels the same. I do regret cutting, I really do. I had to wear a long sleeved shirt the next day to school where the weather proceeded to fry me like a fish while my friends chanced upon it when he thought he scratched we with a fork. I wish a fork could do this kind of damage.
I would rule this entire cutting incident as me trying to get myself to cry over something or anything. I’m just wound too tight these days and I don’t have an outlet for it. Pills don’t really get me sleepy enough to cancel things out anymore and doctor fees are too much for my father too handle, so I guess and 80cent blade would do the trick. In fact, it does a much better job. Still, no tears.
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, I think monsoon season is finally ending in Singapore so I can finally go for runs again! No more running like
Of course, things never seem to ever go my way because it’s still very chilly out. I have to jog for a good half hour before I get warmed up and sometimes runs are so frustrating because I barely manage to work up a sweat and end up going home looking like I went down to run errands -not go for a solid 2 hour workout.
TALK ABOUT CHILLY, my sister went to Hong Kong and bought me this thick fluffy parka complete with fur on the hood. I love it. It feels like a really nice, warm hug. I decided that because it is such a spectacular piece of clothing, I had to name it and now it is called ‘THE BOYFRIEND‘, because it gives me all the warm hugs I need. I don’t need a real life boyfriend anymore, basically.
In Porn news, I think I see so much of it on my dashboard that I can’t even be bothered to get turned on anymore. It kinda pathetic and sad, but reinforces my above mentioned point of ‘Who needs a boyfriend anyway?’. I’m thinking it kinda goes back and forth. Sometimes if naked anime doesn’t do it for you, go for hentai manga. Yaoi or Shoujo? You pick. Maybe a little bit of fanfiction? And if the fictional world doesn’t suffice, there is always Redtube. Not that I go there, I normally hang around Tumblr, where there’s all kinds of porn. I’m not going to be shy with you and say things like food porn. I’m talking about the actual ones like amateur porn, homemade porn, pornstar porn and whatever genre you may particularly fancy. Let’s not forget the porn that doesn’t move (pictures) and audio porn, that kinda got me for a while because it was really new and interesting to me. Now it’s just ‘Meh’ but it’s an actual thing and no harm trying. I mean, of course you have to be at least 18 before you can try all these nonsense, duh. Anyway, in all, I kind of can’t be bothered to function like a normal human being anymore. I’ve officially lost my drive, I’m sorry.
HEALTH WISE, I’ve been trying to sleep early and cut down on caffeine and sugar. Well, not today that is. Don’t look at the time and think I queued this post or woke up early to type this. I’ve actually been staring at this post for a good two hours. I haven’t slept and I’m trying not to because I’m at my friend’s house,he forgot to prepare a bed for me, I kinda forgot to bring a toothbrush and what better way to escape brushing your teeth but by not sleeping at all? I’ll make today an exception and make up for sleep by sleeping all the way through… later on today.
Besides my rather moronic self-contradiction, I’ve been able to hold my sleep schedule rather successfully during my school week even though I have afternoon classes 4 of 5 days a week. I started by setting alarms at 11.30pm to remind myself to sleep, then gradually changing the time to 11pm. It’s been working like a charm, except that one time I had an Insidious themed dream and couldn’t sleep till 2am when my friend finally called to recite string theory to me over the phone. I can’t count sheep, it makes my head hurt instead. I’m weird like that.
My battle against caffeine and sugar has been my hardest yet. Why? Because I’m addicted. I’ve drank alot of coffee the previous year -Hell, I worked a job that let me make my own damn coffee. Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with tea (Green, red, black, chinese, peony) and though I lost my preference in too-fucking-sweet frappaccinos, I developed an intense love for caramel popcorn. It’s a good thing I still like the taste of water. Perhaps it’s the only healthy thing I like this year.
I’m so thankful I’ve a couple of close friends to watch over what I eat and when I sleep. They were the ones who put me up to it anyway. The next thing on their list of ‘Fix Cherie’ is to win me off the extra salt into my
already salted fries. I can’t help it, I like my food extremely well seasoned.
ON MY FOOD CHANNEL, wow, when I said I’d stop baking in that ‘Fuck you’ post I wrote a while back, I never thought I’d actually follow it. You could say I’ve lost a huge chunk of my life somewhere last year. I haven’t baked anything since Christmas. My easy bake oven is probably rusting as I type this. I do have an idea of what I’d like to make next, but so far I haven’t had time to do so. Maybe in February, when I need to stress eat.
Oh yes, I’m trying to win myself off peanut butter too. It’s not exactly going well, especially since my neighbour gave me two jars of ‘all natural’ peanut butter because they had too much. I’ve already finished one, along with an entire loaf of bread. All in one morning. Happy high blood cholesterol, Cherie. I also eat too much. I need help.
Why is peanut butter relevant? Because when I stress eat I eat peanut butter and my family thinks it’s bad for my complexion. Sigh.
And that is all for now. Turns out I have been busy this whole time, just doing very irrelevant things with my life that holds no significant meaning. No matter, I’m sure things will turn up when I wrap this semester up.
Off to watch YouTube and marathon Friends till said friend wakes up to work out or something.