Life’s been cruel to me.
Not so much like 2012, where I was constantly sorting out family problems and mixed signals, or 2013 where I finally got my feelings sorted out and proceeded to lose everyone I ever cared about besides whoever I actually cared about in my family.
Wow. Would you look at that? Two years of my life summarized into one sentence.
But I don’t mean for this post to be dark or depressing. That is for another day; another post. This post is going to be just me, figuring out what the hell I’ve been up to this entire year. Let’s start things off with what I still remember.
Sad to say, the only few things I remember about school was constantly walking to and fro the concourse to buy ‘lok lok’ from the canteen. I didn’t even buy an assortment of them, I only ate the tofu cubes and choked on the soup later on.
And of course, how could I forget the countless coffees I had to pull me through 8am lessons, especially since my last semester just had to be the semester they removed the 15minutes grace rule and I wasn’t one to sleep early the night before. Ever.
2014 was the year I’d hated majority of my classmates. I only found out too late that people would still stab you in the back even when you were no where near the top tier of the class.
Such passive aggressiveness has nearly cost me my time in my modules. I got a D. So I made sure they had one up their asses when they went through with their presentations as well.
Or at least that’s how I thought it hit me.
I got a job literally as soon as I was done with school, in a sense that I was called down for an interview the minute I stepped out my last examination hall. I thought it was fate. Turns out the company just really needed people.
Let me tell you what it felt like. I felt like a fish flopping from a horrible drainage piping into hot. fucking. oil. Oh yeah. Watch me sizzle. And sizzle I did.
It wasn’t bad enough that I felt entirely out of place working in a bank. The training was bad enough, not that my colleagues were bad. Hell, if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have gotten that far. Throughout my then 19 years of existence, I had never once pre-read to study for a test in my life. Not that I’m gifted (actually quite the opposite) but because I never had to. If I passed, that’s good. If I failed then… ‘Oh’.
But somehow it came to a point where failing and slight tardiness meant termination and the stress at that point was overwhelming. Not that I couldn’t take the pressure, no way, I liked to do things but I loved doing things well and I had many, many days I thought I was going to fall below my own expectations.
Things didn’t start looking up when I started my actual job, so I quit.
I quit when I was still ahead (no major screw ups) and I quit when I still had what’s left of my sanity. God knows I was losing it in there.
#3 The Now
So here I am, doing absolutely nothing, which also explains why this blog has been a tad bit dead for a while.
Alright, alright, to be honest, I’ve been going out alot. Mainly because I owed everyone dates since I had no time for anyone or myself while I was working.
That’s right, at one point of my life, I had been an unintentional and unwilling workaholic.
So here everyone is, asking me what I’m going to do next. Whether I’m going to study a degree and of course the dreaded ‘Why not?’ before they launch into an entire lecture about not being able to survive in Singapore without getting at least a degree. To be honest, I don’t think anyone would be able to survive in Singapore especially since things are only to get more expensive in the future. Heck, you’d have more problems trying to pay off your study loan let alone a car, wedding or house. I’d rather start now.
Back to the topic of being painfully under-educated in Singapore, my answer would be
I’ve always told myself that ‘I’ll cross that bridge when I get there’ and now it has come a time whereby I have somehow already crossed said bridge without even noticing it and am currently in this predicament of ‘Where the hell am I’ right next to this lake called ‘What the fuck to do I do next’ stranded in the land of ‘I don’t know what to do with my life’, population me. Let’s not talk about the bridge because it’d already burnt to the ground the moment I stepped off it.
So life has been this ball of restlessness recently. I bought a laptop, glasses and phone cover for a phone I don’t have yet. The stuff I ordered while I was still working just recently arrived in the mail and I am still so unbelievably bored.
And it’s the weirdest feeling because it’s the kind of boring where I’m stressed out of my mind but I can’t bring myself to show it outwardly because my life right now is kinda ‘Meh’ and it would look like I’m stressing out over nothing. I feel like my heart hasn’t beat in decades since Ren/Michael/Sydney boy and My God it aches to. In fact, it’s gotten so desperate that this boy (who I happen to find kinda cute) asked me if I wanted a kiss over text and I was so sick and tired of my monotonous life that I said ‘Yes’ and somehow we launched into this conversation on how to grind girls at a club for two hours. I’m not sure if he took me seriously and I’m pretty glad we aren’t talking anymore again (it’s an on-off friends kind of thing).
Not to mention, all my friends are getting attached one after another. Not that I’m jealous or anything, I’m just feeling a little left out. I mean, my sisters are married, my niece occupies most of my roomie’s time and my closest friends are all attached. GEE THANKS GUYS.
Of course, I’ve had a lot of fun reading Whatpadd stories and playing Pokemon on my 3DS as well, but I still feel like something is missing.
Not in an extremely mushy and cliche way but something like
kinda makes be feel a little better. Yay fluffy. Not that I understand the rationale of how looking at a gif of a fluffy virtual animation makes me feel better (it’s actually kinda sad).
All in all, 2014 has been a painfully slow, dull and boring year for me. Roomie calls it my recuperation year since so much shit happened to me the year before so I guess I’ll just count my blessings.
Wishing for a more eventful year to come,