We couldn’t cope.

Because I only saw the good he did for me, ignored the bad and felt only happiness.
While he’d only remembered my tears; of which I remember naught, took the weight on his shoulders and crumbled.

We didn’t last.

Because till this day, I am tormented by feelings I cannot explain due to my carelessness.
While he, saddled with his own distraught, had chosen to disappear from everything we had.

Milestone of the aimless


18th May 2015 marks the end of my studies, possibly forever, I really hope so. So congratulations to me! No more Chinese or Math to hinder me or be tricked into studying for the rest of my teenage life!


To be honest, I didn’t want to go for my graduation since it’d barely meant anything to me. All my friends had already graduated early last year and my heart had followed them to whichever university or camp they were posted to.

But then again, it made sense to go since I didn’t plan on donning the graduation gown anytime soon or ever. Not to mention, I couldn’t possibly abandon the little super senior’s club I had going on, consisting mainly of Syaffy, QQ and I. All three of us fought really hard not really to make it through our last semester together and we’re all glad that somehow actually we don’t know how but, all of us made it at the same time or at least same graduation ceremony.







So here we are, from sulking as we watched our batch friends don their gowns from the benches of block 23’s com labs to melting in our own when our moment finally came.


Let’s just say that graduating in the evening is the worst. I was melting and my make up was running anywhere and everywhere. It was almost a disaster. Perhaps the only thing I did right through the day was to iron my hair in the morning, keep my form in the shadows and constantly blast my powdered face with aircon any chance I get.

And of course, be fabulous while I was at it.



Steering this post back on track, here’s a picture of the class. Or at least those who bothered to turn up:


Nii-san/Tokyo buddy/Dale turned up to support/watch me melt everywhere and stop me from possibly rage quiting the entire event.

He got me sunflowers and… a cactus as requested by moi.



Just to get ahead of the game, I took my graduation photo before I went into the auditorium. I had everything. My flowers, a gown, a stuffed toy… except the diploma itself. But y’know, minor details.

The rest of the day consisted of taking advantage of the great lighting and rolling all over the concourse one last time.


Kkuma-kun came along with me too!


To get into an air conditioned space, the bunch of us (Syaffy, QQ and I) registered and got ourselves seated early. Unfortunately we were seated by course and then alphabetical order so we weren’t able to sit together.

Syaffy was somehow seated exactly one row below me and managed to snap an extremely unglamorous shot of how I was sitting then.


I have a good reason for sitting like that though. For one, the whole row was mine/empty then so I was queen of the horizontal plane for exactly 12minutes before a familiar face, one I haven’t been bothered to pin a name to, tip toed passed me to be seated on my far right.

For two, resting my feet in those heels hurt and I didn’t want them to fall asleep at the last moment. I know, all stars fall someday but I’m not feeling the need to have idiots wishing upon me just yet. #shameless

Of course by wishes I mean, ‘I hope Cherie’s broken ankles heal fast.’ and ‘I wish I knew how she’s going to live that down’.

Anyway, about an hour later I took the stage and received my diploma. Fun fact, the diploma isn’t in the folder. It’s given to you before you enter again to go back to your seat. School systems just aren’t magical like that. They’re made to be efficient and efficient they are.

I also didn’t know where to look when I was supposed to have my stage photo taken so I’d conveniently crinkled my eyes, smiled a tight smile into a fairly narrowed down direction and prayed my eyeliner and asian genes would finally do me some good.

Another hour and one dance routine later, I had officially graduated as well as found my family in what seemed like a horde of very hungry, toddler weilding parents that were irritating me to no end.

My first priority was to take any photos anyone wanted to take, change out and be gone before I fainted at the feet of someone who was more concerned with a shrimp roll due to the dire lack of oxygen in the enclosed space.




The family brought me to HaiDiLao to have hotpot and raced me home because well, I’m a working adult now and I do full shifts and shit.


Oh yeah, food was good.


On a more meaningful note, this milestone, as much as I deny it to be, has been an important one for me for it is here where I had lost everything and realized that I had nothing.

As much as I say that school had taught me nothing, it had showed me how the world is a cruel place and that not everyone is your friend. Forcing me to do my own self learning where I forge my own failsafes and learn to rely on no one but myself.

I learnt that I can do many things by myself, that I can make my own decisions, that I am strong.

It is here where I first learnt heartbreak, ultimate loss, betrayal and acquired the first scars on my wrists.
It is here where I learnt there is no definite route; that my fate is my own. That as painful as it can be, I have enough will and strength in my bones and blood to tear myself down and build myself up again.
It is here where I learnt my limits and constantly pushed them because I wanted to; sometimes had no choice but to. Many a times I’d bend, at times I break but I tape myself back together and go at it again.

Here I learnt that through numerous amount of stress, depression and agony, there is success, accomplishment and self-validation. That there is also happiness in myself, not only in what others can suppliment me with.

At the end of the day, I am an environmental engineer.

But I am also human. I am wise. I am proud. I am so many things that makes me who I am.

I am Cherie and as I take my leave from this educational contest stage where we strive so hard to glitter and flounce around in, I finally make my debut onto the world stage alongside my sisters. To live and survive with grace, awarded from countless instances of failure and defeat. To never forget why we started in the first place.

I have not graduated from school. I have graduated into the world.


Masterchef: Cafe Kitchen Edition


First, look at this Rilakkuma espresso cup. I’m better than you.

Teehee, just kidding. But seriously, look at it.


A while ago (last week, actually.), my cafe bosses went outstation, leaving us (chef and I) on a budget/limited petty cash.
We decided that to save on petty cash, we had to try getting rid of all the food in the fridge/freezer we didn’t serve anymore.

By well, eating everything.

So began an epic attempt to salt and pepper anything and everything that was about to expire. Normally we fried or toasted them over the toaster. If all else failed, we boiled the hell out of it.


The week started out with this week old blueberry teacake that couldn’t be served anymore because… go figure. Nonetheless, food was food so I scraped the mold off the side and microwaved the pastry. Because if radiation can kill humans, it could kill most of the bacteria on my bread, right?

One good thing would be that it still tasted good. Another would be that I am now convinced I have a stomach of steel, since I didn’t find myself running to the toilet that day.

That was lunch settled.


For dinner, chef found chicken stock in the kitchen and boiled it with an assortment of vegetables we had no idea we had in the fridge.

We had:
– Leftover corn from when I was vegan
– Carrots from I don’t know how long ago.
– Leafy veg from when boss cooked dinner once
– Frozen mixed vegetable mix
– A half opened can of mini sausages. How long has it been like that in the fridge? It didn’t really matter. We were gonna boil the hell out of it anyway.

Along the way, we found dumpling filling in the fridge, wrapped a few dumplings and threw it into the soup.

The dumplings were originally meant to be boiled in plain water but chef and I had this brilliant idea of boiling it into mushroom soup.

We used the wrong saucepan and the milk ended up burning, making everything in it taste um, toasty.

Did we eat it?
With much effort.

Did we think we could cook?
Evidently not.

Moving on, we went on to eat everything in our little stew for three days, constantly reserving the stock, adding water and throwing whatever we could find into it.

Inevitably, we grew increasingly tired of dodgy cabbage stew and moved on to try different methods of burning cooking stuff.


I swear this is going to sound like I came from the stone age but BEHOLD.


Boss was nice enough to buy cheese tofu for us before she left so we pan fried it with much ease.

Vegetable wise, we found half a bittergourd in the fridge so we stir fried it with eggs, seasoning with salt and pepper (because we don’t exactly know how to use anything else).

Chef must have thought highly of me because he tasked me with stir frying the veg not knowing that before this, the closest I’d been to actually cooking something was microwaving instant noodles.

Yes, I microwave my instant noodles instead of using the stove method because I’m that lazy and useless. I didn’t even know you could boil water over a stove to cook noodles that way till I was 18.

You can’t say anything I haven’t already told myself.

So after all that has been said to justify my next sentence, of course I got the stir fry wrong. I didn’t cook the bittergourd enough before putting the egg in so the gourd became extremely bitter.

So can Cherie cook?
Gold star for trying.

Good thing Chef managed to save it by adding water into the pan and simmering it down to continue cooking the veg. A whole lot of salt and pepper later, the dish didn’t taste half bad.

Then came what I could do best.

Microwaving. Honest to God, I swear I’m so useless sometimes.

We also found some mutton curry and canned salmon flakes so I tossed them into a bowl and microwaved it for a minute while I poked around for wraps. Wraps, because I have no idea how to cook rice over a stove.
I come from a family where most of my food is reheated or even made in a microwave okay, you don’t know me, you don’t know my life. D:

I toasted Chef’s herb and spice wraps real good, mainly because the wraps were 3 days past expiration date. But as my chef says, it’s okay. It just means you can’t serve it. #logic

But everything came together in the end and we actually ate a full meal.

But that was only for one meal. We still had to think of what we could make for the rest of the days, so here it is.


Really, mini, pancake stacks. It actually looks pretty presentable untill you zoom out and realize how very pathetic it looks from afar but nonetheless, cute.
These came from when we had to test pancake batter. Nutella sauce was from when we were changing nutella bottles, while the bananas were the really ripe and brown ones we found in the fridge that we browned with a blowtorch so we could trick ourselves into thinking it was okay to eat it.


Here’s a picture of the 1UP mushroom we found at the bottom of our bag of shitake mushrooms. It went into this:


Heh heh… not too bad ourselves, right? On the last day, chef brought salmon fillets while I thawed some beef sausages to boil and fry. We stir fried potatoes with mushrooms and scambled eggs that was mixed with reserved egg whites as well, before putting everything together.

And wow, did it look legit.

It was actually the best meal we put together during the week, not that the rest sucked, just that it was probably the only one where we didn’t get out meats out of a can.


During the week while I was working myself to skin and bones, I was actively practising my coffee pouring and I think I’m getting there!

Not to mention, I had tons of coffee while working. Really took advantage of the fact that coffee is an appetite supressant.

I’d like to write more, but I kind of ran out of things to say. Not to mention, I am writing this while I’m at the cafe so…

I’ll write again soon!