If I have a kid, he/she MUST turn out like that. There is no in between.

I’ve probably been on this topic alot since I’ve advanced into aunt-hood, but let’s talk about it again. Let’s talk about children.

Yes, those pesky literal squirts that look like aliens when they are first born and grow into miniatures of their parents with the sole intent of shoving anything and everything into their mouths. Personally, I like them. I like pinching them, I like carrying them. I’m just not too fond of baby farts, diaper changing and oh my God, do you know how heavy they get in the first few month? My biceps can’t keep up.

As the only unmarried and unattached child of my father (for now I hope), I tend to get teased alot for being single. Let’s not get to the point that I’ve been single my entire life -I’m not even kidding- and it’s probably because of all the teasing that the notion of having a kid has actually popped into my mind and stayed there for a good week. 

I’m talking about skipping the entire boyfriend deal, marriage scam and over-exaggerated sex and simply popping a mini-me out. 

I’ve thought about it and wouldn’t it be a sweet deal?

I don’t run the risk of cheating husbands, naggy mother-in-laws and possibly marriage debt. Plus I get the cutest little thing out of everything. Very much like a Pokemon, where you get to train and equip with skills like piano lessons and ballet class.

I’d probably spend time teaching them everything. From their languages,

How to socialize with other human spawns,

My kind of hygiene,

How to manage anger,


How to do laundry,

I could even be a sports mom

So you see, I wouldn’t be that bad a mom. I’d be the fracking coolest of them all.


Child naming


So I’ve been an Aunt for just about half a year and my niece is growing up to be quite the cutie. Which also brings me to why I’m writing this post today. Everyone has been comparing my sisters and I, speculating over whose kid would turn out prettier. Even I, though I am barely 19, have not been spare this rather horrific and positively disturbing thought. I mean, by Gawd, I can’t even bring myself to stick a tampon up there and you’re expecting me to skip the entire awkward first-times and jump straight into popping babies? I’m sorry, but no.

What is easier, or should I say a more comfortable topic revolving about babies would be the naming. Now that I can do. You see, I’ve always thought a child’s name would somehow or most of the time, influence how the child would grow up to be. Call me shallow, but I think naming someone by the bible would be rather ideal. Why, you say? If you named your kid after one of the archangels, chances are that they’ll grow up to be relatively decent human beings or the direct opposite. Life just has a funny way of going about it’s way. I know it’s rather unsubstantial to state such claims, but get this. Try naming a kid Swine Flu , Syphilis or Foot rot and see how they’ll turn out. I’m guessing not too pleasant, like their name. Of course, this whole naming thing is pretty subjective, since my theory is that people may or may not treat someone else differently with respect to their names.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve found myself more biased to guys whose names are the following:

  • Michael
  • Gabriel
  • Abel
  • Evan
  • Ethan
  • Xavier
  • Yves

And for girls:

  • Asper
  • Audrey
  • Anna
  • Emma
  • Leah

Of course, the list goes on. I just like these names, okay? Of course there are a few names that turn me off too, namely Chinese names, because I almost never pronounce them right.

But Cherie, whatever are you going to name your kid? 

Patience, young one.

I’ve always wanted daughters. Those pretty, pretty dolls you get to dress up in tutus and princess dresses for about 10 years -12 if I’m lucky- before they start throwing tempers, breaking the hearts of boys and staining every white sheet in my house. But still, yes. I would like daughters. I’ve only got a few names (thank goodness) and here are why I want to name them so.

I’d want her to be the oldest and the wisest. I’d see her to be level headed, calm and able to play the piano or violin. She’ll be a total bookworm, and aspire to open some gigantic book cafe one day. (What? If my parents always told me I had to be a doctor or a lawyer, I can do this too!)

Rosemary would be the second oldest and an assistant to Thyme. Very much like Thyme, she’d be calm and collected as well. I’d think her be a hopeless romantic, with a passion for poetry and singing. She’ll be slightly more active, I hope, maybe do some kind of dance. Like the tango or waltz. Maybe even jazz or contemporary.

Nuttelia & Cinnamon:
Don’t laugh at me, but I’m hoping for twins on this one. It’s going to be like giving birth to an ice cream sundae. Yes, I got the name ‘Nuttelia’ from the spread ‘Nutella’, so sue me. Cinnamon, on the other hand, is my favorite spice to put into any dessert, just after the vanilla bean. You can tell from their names that I want them to be the sweetest pair of twins ever.

Nuttelia would be the sporty and active one. She’d probably be a netballer, baseball or a touch rugby girl. She’ll be the one that’s more likely to take risks for the two and speak positive words like ‘We’ll definitely win this.’ or ‘Lets do this shit’. If she were to play an instrument, it’d be either the drums or the electric guitar.
Cinnamon on the other hand, would be the quiet one. She’d be shy, reserved and soft spoken. I’d picture her as the type to be very obedient and always listening to other people’s problems. She’ll have really straight hair, I hope, so I can cut bangs on her (hurhur) and big enough eyes. But under her vulnerable looking exterior, she’ll be a very old soul. Very zen, very understanding, very little wants in life. If she were to play any instruments, I’d put her on the flute or an acoustic guitar.

BUT OF COURSE, if I wanted so many children, I’d have a boy at some point, right? So here are my choices. I don’t really have many, but I tried.

Yves or Aiden
It’s an either or thing, because I only want one guy. I only need one ex-girlfriend at a time bang on my door!  But seriously, I think guys, though good for the carrying on of family name, are really expensive to upkeep. Sure, girls are too, with their branded bags and Jimmy Choos, but hey. ‘At least once I marry them off, they aren’t my problem anymore.’ So I quote my father. But I guess I’ll always want a guy around the house, and I really hope he’ll be the oldest of all my kids. Ain’t nothing more adorable than a really protective brother protecting his little sisters. Watching him try to protect all of them would be hilarious, and I haven’t even had him yet. Rofl.

Besides being the oldest, my son better be the most handsome thing on the planet. I want everything. Que girls fainting at his feet, guys hating his guts and other mothers blushing at the sight of him.

Okay. The last point was kinda gross.

In all seriousness, I want my boy to be really humble. I mean, he’ll be smart and all (he better be. We are ‘A’sian not ‘B’sian.) but he won’t show it. He’ll manage to look good in legit geek specs and even better without them. He’ll do sports like fencing and MMA because you know, if you can’t stab your lil sister’s asshole boyfriends, you beat the shit out of them. He can do post-hardcore vocals and play as lead guitarist in a band with his hair covering half of his face, I don’t mind. As long as he keeps it gelled and spiked up above his collar in school.

That’s right, Momma’s all about the clean look.

So yeah… I guess that’s my family planning right there? Though I’d probably only stop at two, just so that I can keep the human population balanced. Don’t ask me how I want my kids to look like! Right now they can only look like me, since I have no clue whatsoever how my husband would possibly look like.

Oh well, shan’t think about it anymore. I’d rather stay young and feel young.
Growing up sucks.