The Last Lap

Waddap, guys.

I have finally made it.

Well, sort of.

I just entered my last semester of school and my main exams are only 13 working (actual schooling) weeks away! I like the thought that I can roughly count down to how many weeks I have left in school but the more I blabber about it to others, the more it sounds like a jail sentence. If so, I’d better behave. Parole?

That being said, I regret to inform that I am in no mood for school at all. I haven’t bought my books and I still sit at the back of my class. Last I checked, two out of the three modules I’m taking requires group work on a 50% marking grid and I’m as sociable as a brick.

I feel like I graduated together with my other friends, who right now are like:

I apologize for following suit.

You see, I don’t feel like I’ve been in school for over a year. No, it’s not because of my depression, but because I’d spent a year not learning anything.

This is different from when my guardian taught me how to trim my own nails recently.
Don’t take me to be a spoiled brat, please. There are just something I don’t particularly care about to a point that people have to sit me down and do it for me. Or in this case, teach Cherie how to cut her nails and she would never have to waste tens of hundreds of dollars sitting in a nail salon.

Back to the point of not learning anything in the past 12 months or so, I really haven’t. The last 6 months, I’d spent my time re-taking modules for all that I’d failed two semesters ago and the 6 months before that, I was slaving away (well, not really) at my interning office. Yeap, no learning whatsoever, though I may have come across a few new porn genres… Alright, I kid.

But seriously, can you imagine how unpracticed I am with the whole notion of learning? I get to class and suddenly I’m thrown into this whirlwind of bizarre terminologies and monotonous lectures. I can’t skip lectures anymore in fear that I’d miss something (though I don’t exactly catch anything while I’m there) and I have to double check my classrooms because I am (still) so terrible with faces, it’s been two weeks and I still can’t remember a single classmate’s face. I won’t even start on how easily my classmates register information, making class skip ahead faster than I’d prefer and… and…

But I can’t give up now, can I? I only have 13 more weeks to go.

But that also means I only have 13 more weeks till my main exams.

13 more weeks to master 3 modules I am totally new to.

13 more weeks till I find out if I get to graduate or go into 4.2.

13 more weeks till I have to either graduate, get a job or not graduate and be buried alive by my dad.

I am not prepared at all.

I guess for a start I’ll buy my books and get started with my assignments.

It doesn’t help that I’m posting this at three in the morning. But hey, at least I said I’ll try. Don’t you give people brownie points if they try? Or maybe just a brownie. I’d settle for that right now.

More bad news, I heard there is going to be tedious calculation questions in all my modules this semester. I am very intimidated and dreadful, of course. But I must not forget that I am an engineer in training and that math can rule the world.

I’d better end here. It occurs to me that the earlier it get in the morning, the weirder things seem to get.



School Assignment: Values Reflection

How nice that my very first post of the year is about school. New Years Eve was a total drag for very private matters, besides the fact that I’ve been bleeding from my birthday all the way through Christmas and New Years. I almost forgot to do a 40% assignment of mine for Civic and Moral education and since I was in such a bad mood then (New Year’s Eve) my essay was pretty bitchy if I say so myself.


But enjoy anyway.

Assignment was submitted without gifs because my student portal doesn’t gifs.

What are some successes or failures that you experienced
during your journey?

I would have to describe my life in TP, at the very least to be, tragic. I would like to say more, but when faced with such an irritatingly optimistic question, my mind is blank.

If there is anything at all to recall, it would be my struggles academically with my course modules. Since I am but vaguely interested in my course -if not none at all- I never excelled in any module but presentation and writing skills.

All my failures had been painfully literal, be it in simple class questions, term tests and if I were really unlucky, main examinations. Success had been a far cry for me, even when I was graded a ‘B’ for my Engineering Mathematics. Competition is natural, especially in a city that believes so blindly in meritocracy – a lowly ‘B’ can’t possibly hold any form of light to a glittering ‘Z’.


What have you learnt from your participation in the various
activities of your life journey?

Naturally introverted, I haven’t had much interest in participating in anything but family affairs and if I were to participate in anything at all, I never brought home much to be desired. For instance:
-Camps had taught me that not every camp your parents force you to attend would be a leadership camp filled with team bonding activities and not every corner of a school is haunted.
-Project work showed me how much of a pushover I was.
Main examinations proved to me that even though I was a pushover, I wasn’t a very good one at that.
-Having to mix with people I deeply resent taught me the difference between being tolerant and fake. Mostly, it’d taught me restraint (from sabotaging the squirt) and patience (in hopes that they would stop their nonsense).

What have you discovered about yourself and others?

As a person who has written much about her frustrations when it comes to majority of people she has met in school, my life revolves around the friends that I make and keep.

For people who would first meet me on the concourse of TP without a formal introduction, I would come across as painfully boring. I do not find the need to put as much effort into acquaintances as I find them virtually useless in the future. Of course, making a good impression and not enemies are a given but I never intend to go further than that.

Besides how I meticulously chose who I mixed with, I am confident in saying that when I decide to put effort into a friendship, I give it my all, especially since I have few but close friends. I will always be loyal and supportive of them no matter what situation, through thick and thin; also supporting my above point of being a total pushover.

As I meet more people, I have discovered that peopleΒ will take advantage of you at any given chance, hence why I take my time when choosing my friends.

How do you feel about standing up for your belief and conviction?
Did you face any difficulty? What have you learnt?

I am often reprimanded for what I believe in and how I write. You could say that I am a dead writer refusing to admit defeat in a sea of numbers, cursing the world for what has happened to me and what I have perpetually landed myself into, but hey. At least I’m still cursing and I guess to a certain extent, I am not quite as dead as I feel.

I believe that I should never stop writing. If anything, I must strive to become better with every post I write and as long as what I write is not damaging in anyway, I am free to do so.

As long as no one can convince me other wise, I will always be right. This is the way I learn -From falling and getting up over and over again. It is something this school has subjected me to time and time again and though I am ever bitter over it, I have no choice but to thrive in the only thing I am provided with.

Thank you.