Daniel Kim

I’m running a fever right now. I feel like shit. All hot and cold all over. But then I found this guy and he makes me feel a tad bit better. (Was listening to mash ups)

Nothing much to say, really. I just this song alot. I like the cover alot. I like him alot.

I blushed when I watched this video.

I bet he sings the panties off his girlfriend because if he isn’t doing it yet then he should really get on with it.

Off to go get waterproof UNO cards. Leaving work early. I can’t stand being cooped up at my desk, need to walk this fever off.

x
Cherie

Bloody Hell

Let me start this post with my very first tweet this 2014:
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No, I’m not whining over the fact that I got my period on New Year’s Day, it’s the fact that it simply hasn’t stopped.

‘Bloody hell’, how very fitting. To not only be cramping through the start of the year but be bitched out when your mood swings like a pendulum, all at the same time. Not forgetting how horribly weak I’ve been feeling the past month due to my lost of blood, as I attempt to celebrate Christmas and not cry over the damn holiday. Hell indeed.

Here’s the low down:
It all started on the 27th of November, I wrote it down in my organizer. I wasn’t disheartened that I got my period a little early and just before my birthday, things happen and it wasn’t like I was planning on going swimming or something. The point is that it’s already the 7th of January 2014 and my uterus is still going strong.

I mean-

How big is the size of the damn thing anyway? Scratch that, who the hell does that thing think it is anyway, vivaciously spewing blood from between my legs as if I own a flipping blood bank?

I feel like this is some mean joke life is pulling on me. It probably went like ‘Hey, let’s take the periods of 10 women and put it into one girl! That ought to be fun!’ Fuck you, life.
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Honestly, I’ve gotten so weak once, I envisioned bleeding myself into A&E. Why not? It’s already gone strong from more than a month. Might as well make something of it, right? Don’t you think it’ll be funny? Missing school because you couldn’t get your lady parts to bleed for you on time and normally like regular girls?

Period flow:
I’d be lying if I said I’ve been on heavy flow for the past month. Thankfully, I haven’t. If not, I probably wouldn’t even have the strength to be typing this.

The first week started out like any other period, heavy at first still it slowly turned to drips on panty liners before you are free to swim without needing Moses to part the red sea of your community pool. Only difference is that the drips never stopped and got heavier a couple days later, so here I am thinking ‘Maybe I sat down wrong and that piece of curdled blood couldn’t find it’s…exit.

This repeated for the next one and a half week. Sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of the night, check myself and decide that it was safe to wear liners. The next morning I wake up to either a Japanese flag, or
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So here I am wondering how many uteri I have down there, I’m genuinely curious to know right now. The worst case of bleeding happened just recently, when parts of my uterus lining decided to simultaneously detach itself from it’s walls and splatter onto a very unprepared pad. It wasn’t even the overnight kind, the poor thing.
If it wasn’t bad enough that I’d felt the entire free fall of blood chunks in the form of cramps and the feeling of involuntary urination when it exitsI just had to be climbing up a staircase two steps a time.
Words cannot describe the shame I’d felt when I saw blood along with chunks trickle down my inner left thigh, in the middle of Changi-fucking-Airport. I can only be thankful that nothing touched the polished floors of the corridor and that no too-kind soul had stopped to help me, thinking I’d miscarried or something. The amount of shame would be unbearable if that was to happen, imagine having to explain to him/her that I am not, in fact some slut that accidentally got herself pregnant and just had to miscarry her boyfriend’s child (boyfriend, who probably is some rich young punk whom is running away from his responsibilities) in the middle of an airport of all places, and they’d be like ‘Yeah, sureee’. Talk about being melodramatic, but hey, I was on my period and BLOOD WAS RUNNING DOWN MY FLIPPING LEG, OKAY?

This isn’t the first time my vagina has pull such a stunt, the first time was in a hospital, in front of my dad and a nurse who had just asked me if I were pregnant (it was an X-ray, guys). I recall being all ‘Well, oops there it goes, nothing to worry about now!’ while the nurse was pale with… disgust. Yeah, come to think of it, she did look like she was about to hurl. Back to point, having something like that happen to you in a hospital under such circumstance isn’t that favorable either.

Cravings:
Oh my God, I have never binged so hard in my life. I’ve tried to control myself but it’s the holiday season for Pete’s sake. Food is everywhere. Cakes,

ham, turkey and chocolate. Oh wow, chocolate.
Of all the cravings I’ve had, I’ve had the worst cravings for chocolate. If you know me well enough (it’s actually written in the cheat sheet, all you have to do is read.) I only ever eat chocolate while I’m on my period, just like how I try to dip everything into peanut butter while I’m not bleeding so ridiculously.

Trust me, during my preposterously long menstruation, I’ve had chocolate in any way possible.

  • Fondue
    Where I’d dipped anything and everything edible into. Cheesecake, banana bread, mini cupcakes, durian and custard puffs, fruits (to make myself feel a little better), you name anything on the buffet line that didn’t have any form of sauce or gravy on it, I’ve probably already tried it with chocolate, savory or not.
  • Bars of chocolates
    Whether I’d received it as an obvious last minute gift or just bought my own in bundles, no thanks to Christmas and holiday sales, I’ve had them in as many ways as I could find. Dark, white or milk. With or without nuts, raisins and sometimes rocky road. I’ve even had them with those little pop rocks sprinkled into it. I also managed to eat an entire large bag of Reeses PeanutButter Cups (because they just had to put the two of my most favorite spreads into one sweet treat together.) through the movie ‘Frozen’, much to my disappointment in myself.
  • Lindor Liquor Chocolate Balls
    These things should be banned around girls on their periods. I ate so many, got a nosebleed and was visibly tipsy. God knows how much a normal human being has to eat before he get to that point, so you can imagine how much I’d shoved into my body. I did just sick after. Good thing because I don’t think my body could have handled that much guilt.

Speaking of guilt, my binge eating was followed by hysterical crying after I’d purged at least 70% of the Lindor chocolates from my system and the gravity of how much I’d been eating came crashing down on me, coupled with the mood swings I’d been going through. My family wrote it off as me being dramatic and humorously drunk on liquor filled chocolates.

Anyway, I’ve told my friends about this and was practically forced to go see a lady’s doctor. Took a blood test, went for a few scans and am taking medication. These pills work like magic. After the first pill, my periods stopped completely. Still have to be on flow regulators though.

Oh well, at least I know
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Trauma

Something I found on Tumblr a few days back.

Traumatic abuse causes lasting changes in our physiology, nervous system and brain chemistry. In the course of normal development, memories are consolidated as we evaluate each new situation in terms of the cohesive worldview we have previously formulated. When there has been trauma, this cognitive process is short-circuited by the surge of painful and intense stimulation. Instead of “processing the experience” by fitting it into our understanding of how the world works and thereby learning from it, we revert to a more primitive form of encoding—through physical sensations and visual images. Even years after the actual danger is past, the trauma, undigested and locked in our body, randomly breaks through into consciousness. A person who has been traumatized may continue to relive the same event as if it were occurring in the present… Unprocessed pain keeps our system of self-preservation on permanent alert. In addition to sudden intrusive memories, a wide range of situations, many non-threatening, may activate the alarmingly high levels of pain and fear stored in our body. Our partner might raise her voice in irritation, and the full force of our past wounds—all the terror or rage or hurt that lives in our body—can be unleashed. Whether or not there is any present danger, we feel absolutely at risk and compelled to find a way to get away from the pain.

In order to make it through such sudden and severe pain, victims of trauma typically dissociate from their bodies, numbing their sensitivity to physical sensations. Some people feel “unreal,” as if they have left their body and are experiencing life from a great distance. They do whatever they can to keep from feeling the raw sensations of fear and pain in their body. They might lash out in aggression or freeze in depression or confusion. They might have suicidal thoughts or drink themselves senseless. They overeat or starve themselves, use drugs, obsess and in other ways try to numb or control their experience. Yet the pain and fear don’t go away. Rather, they lurk in the background and from time to time suddenly take over.

http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html (via survivorsupport)